South Asia’s crazy Bollywood vibe comes to America in “Kites,” an absolutely loopy action-romance. Alas, this is not one of those cases where “loopy” translates to “good.”
Set in Las Vegas and environs, “Kites” puts a Hindi-speaking hustler named J. (played by Hrithik Roshan, a superstar in India) in the proximity of a Mexican beauty, Linda (Barbara Mori).
At a previous juncture in his life, J. married Linda to make her a U.S. citizen — one of his many money-making schemes. Now, she’s slated to be married again, to the son of a wealthy Vegas casino magnate.
J., who has terrible timing, picks this moment to fall in love with Linda for real, a development that severely complicates her own gold-digging scheme. Ah, but if they do run off together, it will be the excuse for a series of crazy chase scenes and romantic clinches, so you can’t really blame the moviemakers.
Or maybe you can. The cliches and conventions pile so high so fast, and the dance numbers alternate so oddly with the gunfights, that you might find your head spinning.
It would help if the story line weren’t completely nonsensical, but that possibility goes out the window in the first 10 minutes.
Sometimes this kind of movie can be a kick, and there are lots of over-the-top Bollywood productions that make ensemble singing and dancing seem like an understandable way of life (or at least of making movies).
If you’re in an altered state of some kind, or enjoying a “bad movie night” at home, there might be some fun here. But “Kites” doesn’t hit the right notes, and after a while its full-throttle action and cheerful disregard for logic gets tedious.
“Kites” seems to exist in two versions: an “original” 130-minute cut, opening this weekend, and a shorter take edited by “Rush Hour” director Brett Ratner, which will be released shortly.
I saw the long version, and if Ratner can make this madcap enterprise more coherent, he’ll be a much greater filmmaker than anyone suspects.
“Kites” ½
A loopy Bollywood production set in Las Vegas: a hustler (Hrithik Roshan, a superstar in India) decides he loves a Mexican woman (Barbara Mori) who’s about to marry. This inconvenience is the excuse for dance numbers and over-the-top chases, which are not nearly as fun as they ought to be. In Hindi, Spanish, and English, with English subtitles.
Rated: Not rated; probably PG-13
Showing: Uptown
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