Little kids have lots of reasons for potty regression

My first daughter was a breeze to potty train, once she decided for herself that she wanted to do it.

After she was officially potty trained, she never really had an accident in public. (There was one time when we were on vacation and ducks surrounded her, trying to get at her Cheerios, but that was the only accident.)

For preschool we were asked to bring a change of clothes for our child in case of an accident. I was baffled by this. Why would she need a change of clothes?

Then came child No. 2.

I started potty training 2-year-old Aubrey when my older daughter went to kindergarten, figuring it would give us lots of time together with few distractions in the morning.

The first two weeks did not go well. But during week three, something clicked and my daughter became human. She eagerly went on the potty and told me every time she had to go.

I stopped asking her if she needed to go because she always told me herself. I thought I was done.

A few weeks later, she had an accident. She did it again the next day, and the next, and the next. What the heck?

I was completely confused. The accidents were happening at home, not when we were in public. She used the bathroom three times at a birthday party, but couldn’t remember to go at home? Something didn’t make sense.

Now I was getting mad. I changed the reward system from giving her a piece of candy each time she went on the potty to creating a sticker chart. If she got every box on the chart filled out with a sticker, then she would get a Barbie doll.

With only one box left to fill, I figured the Barbie was hers that day. Nope. She went in her pants outside our house while I was unloading groceries.

So what’s up with potty training regression, and why do kids do it?

Toddlers can reverse on the potty training for many reasons — stress such as a new baby’s arrival, a father going away in the military, starting a new day care or even an illness can cause it, said Dr. Suzanne Dixon, a behavior and developmental pediatrician in Great Falls, Mont.

“Sometimes stress can come from kids being pushed too hard,” she said. “Sometimes regression is just because kids are looking around and saying hey, wait a minute, I’m in charge of my body.”

I think that’s what I have here with strong-willed Aubrey.

Dixon, editor of the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, also said children who are trained very young, around 18 months, are more likely to regress because they are just being compliant with a request. When they get older and realize they can make choices on their own, regression may occur.

I was so mad at Aubrey’s regression that I tried different approaches to dealing with it, none of them probably appropriate. I yelled, I tried to ask her why (that never works) and I tried to ignore it.

Dixon suggests not getting into a confrontation with a child about the regression. She said to go about it matter-of-factly and avoid making kids feel bad about themselves.

If a child wets her pants, Dixon said to say something like: “Oh-oh pants got wet,” rather than “YOU wet your pants.”

She said to allow the child to take charge of the issue by having them change their own underwear and put the wet ones where they should go.

Dixon is a fan of sticker charts and rewarding success after several days.

And as for the day Aubrey chose to go in her pants instead of earn the Barbie? Dixon said it was just more important for her to be in charge of herself rather than have a Barbie.

She said I should have put the Barbie away and told my daughter: “When you feel like working on this again, that’ll be something we can think about at another time.”

Lots of kids have accidents, Dixon reminded me.

Aubrey finally earned the Barbie.

But I decided to stop stressing about the potty training. That may have been stressing her out. I stopped asking her every 30 minutes if she had to go, and something amazing happened — she told me on her own each time.

It’s been a week since she’s had an accident.