As Johnny Carson’s image appeared over and over on the television and in the newspaper, and talk about Carson clogged the airwaves, I thought, here we go again: When certain people live in a big way surrounded by publicity, too often the image is mistaken for the person.
For once I’d like to see attention focus on the details of a small life rather than the loud splash of celebrity diving. The truth is, the effort behind the dive, the life lived off the stage, is far more interesting than anything that is rehearsed, scripted and wrapped in commercials for our pleasure.
It would be more interesting to hear about the causes he helped, the ways he made a difference, rather than the car he drove.
How odd to note what kind of car he drove. Was his death a commercial?
I know I’m not the only one thinking this. While we can’t agree on which values to support, there seems to be this ever-widening chasm, a culture with no values at all. Surely there must be some way for values to be in the mix.
I can easily list a couple of values that are not controversial at all. In fact, when I die, these are the things I hope someone says about me:
1. She lived life unplugged. She focused on one thing at a time. She never allowed a phone call to interrupt a conversation with a child or a friend. Being attentive to someone else, or attending to a task with full attention can yield fruit for any relationship.
2. She was always willing to clean toilets. There’s no glamour and often no recognition for those who do the dirty work behind an effort. The majority of people will spend their time avoiding doing dirty work. But there are some who recognize that it must be done. Those who are willing to do dirty work can achieve anything.
3. In the middle of her life, she woke up and started eating with cloth napkins. It was a simple pleasure that made the food taste better. She was not known as a great recycler, but she began to improve her effort by not using paper napkins.
4. She left behind children who made her proud. She loved being a parent above all else. Really is there anything that we do that is as important as the kind of parents we are and the backbone of the children we raise?
5. She loved her husband and was spoiled immensely by him. She believed spoiling a spouse had better results than spoiling a child.
Just in case anyone really needs to know, I drove a Ford, an MGB, a Jeep and a Dodge, but was happiest on my bicycle.
I’m thinking that writing New Year’s resolutions should be traded in for writing a personal obituary each year. Go ahead, don’t be chicken. It forces us to think about what matters most, make our time count and live a life worthwhile.
Sarri Gilman is a freelance writer living on Whidbey Island. Her column on living with meaning and purpose runs every other Tuesday in The Herald. She is a therapist, a wife and a mother, and has founded two nonprofit organizations to serve homeless children. You can e-mail her at features@heraldnet.com.
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