“Takers” is so drearily bad on so many levels that it barely registers as a movie. It’s more like an advertisement for expensive clothes, fancy SUVs and large automatic weapons.
You know, all the stuff that movies like this tell us we need to be coveting and buying, or we will be unhappy.
But don’t buy it. A heist movie wrapped in a jumpy, hyperactive style best suited to a 30-second car commercial, “Takers” strands a group of decent actors in an overblown story.
A high-living robbery crew, led by super-cool Gordon (Idris Elba) and John (Paul Walker), has just pulled off a big haul. We know they’re high-living because they drink expensive 30-year-old scotch and live in sleek, soulless metal apartments.
They’re content to lay low for a while, but a former member of the gang, Ghost (feistily played by the rapper known as T.I.), gets out of prison with a foolproof plan.
“Foolproof,” of course, is code for something that will surely go wrong. Worse, Ghost informs his buddies that they have only five days to pull off a big armored-car job.
Meanwhile, a disheveled L.A. cop (Matt Dillon) is constantly being told how terrible he looks and how he needs to get his life in order. Needless to say, he’ll be the hero of the movie.
One of the ridiculous things about “Takers” is that while we spend a great deal of time with this police officer and his partner (Jay Hernandez), the actual effect of his dogged detective work is, well, pretty ineffective.
It’s a time-killing red herring, perhaps offered to disguise the fact that none of the robbers is more than skin-deep.
Throw in Hayden Christensen (aka the young Darth Vader) in a role defined by his hat, and you’ve got a perfect storm of late-summer movie blues.
The chase scenes are spatially incoherent, and the gunfights are very loud, somewhat obscuring the fact that the motivations of the people shooting usually make no sense. You know, even for armed robbers.
The lone distinguishing factor here is the professionalism of Matt Dillon, who at least keeps his dignity amid the breaking glass and the bad dialogue. The only question is: What did he — and strong actors such as Idris Elba and Michael Ealy — see in this misbegotten project?
“Takers”
A dreary heist movie that wastes a few good actors in an extended advertisement for expensive clothes and SUVs. The only note of professionalism comes from Matt Dillon.
Rated: PG-13 for violence, language, subject matter.
Showing: Alderwood, Everett, Galaxy Monroe, Marysville, Meridian, Oak Tree, Woodinville and Cascade Mall.
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