Dear Straight Talk: I have a bad feeling about a guy my friend is talking to online. He says he’s 19, but who knows? They’ve been Skyping and plan to meet over Christmas break (he lives several hours away).
My friend isn’t herself anymore. She’s 17 and quite independent from her parents,who don’t know about this. Please help me convince her this is dangerous.
—M., California
Karlee, 18, Bentleyville, Pennsylvania: You can’t always trust people you know. My roommate texts this guy from Texas. They’ve never even talked by phone and he’s flying to see her! Tell her parents. There are warnings about this for a reason.
Elle, 19, Boca Raton, Florida: Guys mostly want hookups at 19, not long-term commitments. And if he’s older and lying, that’s even scarier. This guy will not last, but the physical or emotional scars could.
Tell her she’s worth more than the pics she might be sending. Trust your instincts, she’s not clear-headed right now. Tell her parents, a teacher or counselor.
Online dating and hookups are becoming common. Any pre-teen with a smart phone can create a Tinder profile in minutes. Lots of kids enter chat rooms only to have their childhoods ripped away by X-rated material.
Maddie, 17, Cotati, California: I actually met my boyfriend, 18, on a chat site. He lives across the country. We’ve been together four months and are very much in love. We text daily, have met each other’s parents and friends over Skype, and are planning on meeting in person soon — with my parents.
Meeting on chat sites and apps is becoming common and is fine if used with caution.
Brandon, 23, Mapleton, Maine: With video chat, meeting online isn’t nearly as dangerous anymore. My best man at my wedding I met on RuneScape, an online game, 15 years ago. Eventually, we started Skyping, then finally met in person.
Not everyone online is out to get you. That said, safety is paramount. Meet in public places several times, accompanied by a parent or big-brother type. Investigate social media pages for problems (abnormally low friend count, few tags, few friends’ comments, few photos — or no pages at all).
Lisa, 22, New York, New York: Online dating is the new (dumb) thing for young people. There are so many real people around you in high school and college!
Charlee, 19, Petaluma, California: My close friend of 12 years was murdered by her online partner.
Messing around on a dating site, she was hooked by a girl, who (lying), turned out to be 10 years older. My friend was secretive at first, but they started texting, met in person, and soon became a couple.
I never met her, but her parents and other friends did. Seven months later, their decomposed bodies were found in a hotel room. Forensics concluded she injected my friend with pentobarbital then poisoned herself hours later.
It’s been over a year. I’ve finally stopped crying every day but when I do, my heart physically aches. The world lost the most caring, loving, funny, amazing person.
Samantha, 23, Toledo, Ohio: That she’s changing and keeping this secret is a huge red flag. You can’t tell how old someone is, even with Skype. She’s likely being manipulated. Tell her parents. It doesn’t matter if she hates you.
Dear M.: I hope we convinced you to tell her parents and keep them informed if this relationship persists. Online romance belongs nowhere in adolescence. Its popularity in this age group (13-24) is alarming.
I constantly advocate for oversight of teen online activity, but nobody paints a picture of issues and solutions quite like the panel. May this column help your friend and inspire “family dates” everywhere discussing new rules of the road.
— Lauren
StraightTalkAdvice.org is a youth-helping-youth nonprofit.
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