After 28 years, Herald columnist Kristi O’Harran has so many to thank

The same time I accepted a buyout at this newspaper, Regis Philbin aired his final TV show. He starred on a morning broadcast for 28 years.

Both of us left in 2011 after 28 years.

I taped his departure show and observed who he invited to sit in his last audience. I pretended, while writing my final column, that I was on a stage looking over my own crowd.

I only have a few tickets, so please forgive me if you didn’t get an invitation.

In the front row are sources who have been with me for decades. There are Mike and Vicki Tanner, Gail Chism, Polly Roberts, Mark Hinricksen, Juanita Leese, Art Clemente and Kris Krischano.

My best friends are in the second row. I’m waving at Tom and Jackie Williams, Les and Patti Wright and Gary and Judy Tinder. Our trips and darts were topics through the decades.

Over on the left of the auditorium are my cheese buddies. They get me. They appreciate my several columns about Cheez Whiz, Kraft cheese jars and Velveeta. The folks in those chairs are delighted I did a tour of restaurants, eating my favorite food, grilled cheese sandwiches, fries and chocolate shakes, to rate diners in Stanwood, Arlington and Monroe.

Hello family. My loved ones are here and are good sports when I write about them. Up front is my husband, Chuck. See my folks, Bill and Yvonne Brayton, who live in Stanwood; my brother Terry, and his wife, Donnie, from Camano Island; my sister and her husband, Vicki and Leri, from Ellensburg; and my children, Ron Anderson, Brody and his wife, Lisa Lederer, and Kati and her husband, Miguel Maldonado.

I blow a kiss to my young granddaughters, Kelbi and Peyton, who look so pretty in their dresses. They live next door to my Mill Creek cottage. They don’t know about leaving a job, but they know Grammie is coming home.

It’s courteous to invite my editor, Robert Frank, but I really want him to be here. When my daughter was rushed to an emergency room with complications during her pregnancy, I got the dreadful phone call at work. Before I dashed out the door, Robert scribbled what the doctor said about her condition and looked it up online so he could monitor what was happening to my child.

His kindness will never be forgotten.

There is Judy Stanley, our graphic artist, who also is taking a buyout. I got a call at my desk five and a half years ago, when my husband fell off a ladder at work and landed on his eye socket. Judy settled me down and asked if she could drive me to the hospital.

Herald folks are a kind family.

Gale Fiege, I see you. Stop crying. I’ll miss you, too.

My audience expects parting words, like Regis shared, so here goes: When I started my job here, one of my chores was typing school lunch menus, from every district, each day of the week. You could tell by reading The Herald if your kid needed lunch money. I called movie theaters to see what opened on Fridays and noted scores for third-grade soccer leagues.

I kept writing and writing stories until one glorious day, an editor said I could pen a steady column. It was life-changing for a kid who always wanted to move to New York with a backpack and a typewriter.

Here goes the perfunctory final slide show. See me:

•• Driving my beloved VW Beetle to work from Camano Island.

• In a flood in Snohomish trying to keep my notebook dry.

• Interviewing folks who live with a three-legged singing chihuahua.

• With the owner of a beach rock that looks like Jesus.

• Interview Gov. Dixie Lee Ray in Stanwood and ask, to her chagrin, how we can get rid of nuclear waste.

• Shaving my beard for a column about women growing facial hair.

• Meeting a 105-year-old man who couldn’t remember the name of his wife who died 40 years earlier.

• Taking an uncomfortable “test drive” in thong underwear.

• Write a column, actually a letter to First Lady Hillary Clinton, saying it would be better not to be photographed on a beach in her swimming suit.

• As bedbugs nibble my palm.

• Dine with my son’s college girlfriend and her parents, whom I called PILS – Potential-In-Laws.

I often write about myself and my family. My favorite authors are Erma Bombeck, James Herriot and Dave Barry. They are famous for their personal, humorous stories. I adore them because I relate to their families and adventures — or not. Either way, I connected with the author. That is what I’ve tried to do for 28 years. Connect.

If I gave you a chuckle, let you know who lived on the other side of the road, helped you discover a club or agency or even made you grab a hanky, I am thrilled.

In the front of the studio are four chairs draped in black. My “In Memoriam” section includes a candle for Jim Muhlstein, an editor who died oh so young; Sebastian, a toddler friend I wrote about who died of cancer; Elwin Anderson, the sweetest giggling man in Everett; and my brother-in-law, Jack, who taught me what great storytelling was all about.

You won’t find what we print in The Herald about your town or neighbors anywhere else. I’m working with the most amazing writers, researchers, storytellers, photographers and editors. I leave readers in the most talented hands.

Before I go, I pause to salute every veteran who told me about their war. I will be content if those columns are my legacy.

And that photo of Stewie the Raccoon in a sink? It was sent to me by a Snohomish County reader, who keeps the critter at home. May Stewie keep folks smiling as the curtain comes down on my show.

On my way out the door Friday, I’ll drop my last Safeway diet grapefruit pop can into a Herald recycle bin.

As I turn in my key card and picture ID badge, they’ll be slick with tears.

You can stay in touch with Kristi O’Harran at starlite68@hotmail.com after Friday.