Beware clipboards of mass destruction

I feel better now. I’d been antsy lately, a little bit apprehensive. It’s the way I get when I’m not sure things are going the way they should be going. That’s why it was so good to hear the president the other night; he always knows exactly what to say to calm me down.

The main thing I’ve been antsy about, of course, is all the terror out there in the world, and the danger of us having more terror here at home. But the president had it covered. He told us what he’s been doing to keep us safe, and even more important, why he’s the only one who can keep doing it. That’s exactly what he meant when he said that "now we face a choice."

"We can go forward with confidence and resolve," he said, "or we can turn back to the dangerous illusion that terrorists are not plotting and outlaw regimes are no threat to us."

Now personally, I don’t know anybody who has that particular illusion, who thinks that terrorists are not plotting or that outlaw regimes are no threat to us. I certainly don’t know of anybody who’s running for office who thinks that terrorists are not plotting or that outlaw regimes are no threat to us. But it’s comforting to know that the president is standing up to the people who think that way, whoever they are, and whatever planet they’re living on.

It’s the same thing with trying to prevent additional terrorist attacks. "Twenty-eight months have passed," the president reminded us, "since September 11, 2001 — over two years without an attack on American soil. And it is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. That hope is understandable, comforting — and false."

You bet it is. Not that I’ve run across a single person in all those months who’s succumbed to that particular temptation, who believes for a minute that the danger is behind us. And again, I certainly don’t know of anybody who’s running for office who believes that. But it’s comforting to know that the president doesn’t believe it either; I’d hate to have a fool for a president.

And it’s also the same thing when he said he knows that "some people question if America is really in a war at all. They view terrorism more as a crime, a problem to be solved mainly with law enforcement and indictments." The president gets around a lot more than I do, so maybe he’s actually met people who think that way. (After all, he visits places like Roswell, New Mexico.) Still, it was nice to know that the president doesn’t think that way.

But the most comforting part of the whole speech had to be the part about Iraq’s notorious weapons of mass destruction.

The president didn’t spend a whole lot of time on them in this year’s speech; I guess that’s because he spent so much time on them in last year’s speech, he probably figured that he’d already said everything that needed to be said. Besides, everybody remembers how much detail he went into back then, about all the terrible weapons Iraq possessed, and how urgent it was that we find them right away and get rid of them — not because it would bring democracy to Iraq or anything, but because it would make us safer right here in the USA.

Which is why it was so reassuring to hear, straight from the president’s mouth, that the inspectors in Iraq have already identified "dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities."

Now, I realize that "weapons of mass destruction-related program activities" aren’t exactly the same as "weapons of mass destruction" themselves. They’re more like "clipboards of mass destruction," which, urgent threat-wise, might not be right at the top of everyone’s list of reasons to go to war with Iraq, instead of, say, staying focused on real threats like Osama bin Laden and al-Qaida.

Close enough — that’s what I think, which is just what the president wants me to think. In fact, I can hardly wait for the president to go back on TV and announce that those inspectors in Iraq have also found dozens of canisters of "weapons of mass destruction-related program-activity preparations," plus a few hundred tons of "weapons of mass destruction-related program-activity-preparation inclinations," not to mention …

Don’t you feel better, too?

Rick Horowitz is a nationally syndicated columnist. Contact him by writing to

rickhoro@execpc.com.

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