Funny, I wasn’t invited to Las Vegas to help pick a beauty king.
Did the brains behind Fox Television’s "Sexiest Bachelor in America" pageant misfire? When they rounded up a panel of female judges, they forgot how discerning this woman can be.
So I wasn’t at the MGM Grand hotel Sept. 12 to ogle 51 single men. If I want to find out which guy will wear a crown I’ll have to tune in to the spectacle, airing Monday from 8 to 10 p.m. on KCPQ, Channel 13. Not only will men compete on "looks, style and personality," says a Fox news release, but — oh boy — they’ll "participate in formal wear and bathing suit contests."
Fat chance I’ll watch. Bellevue’s Steven Gartner, representing Washington in the contest, should take no offense. A huge viewing audience will find the 29-year-old Web wizard and his fellow competitors hotter-than-hot, no doubt.
Me? I’m as likely as not to pin a sexiest-man-on-TV label on "Wall Street Week" host Louis Rukeyser. There’s a gentleman I’m happy to see every Friday night. Sorry, Fox, I am the wrong demographic for your foray into this Mr. Beautiful business.
The pageant’s eligibility requirements alone are a tip-off to how young these beauties will be. In addition to being male, contestants had to be 21 or older, single, never married, and not engaged. They could have no children. Basically, the rules mean these men probably don’t have a care in the world. No wonder they look great.
Next time around, Fox ought to consider an ever-so-slightly older female audience. And look, I have my judging checklist all set for "Sexiest Bachelor in America II."
Here are my criteria. I’m guessing judges of Monday’s pageant missed some of these standards entirely:
Don’t look for my brand of rumpled men in any prime-time beauty contest. It’s not going to happen. Anyway, there are other men to watch. The Seattle Seahawks play the Kansas City Chiefs at 6 p.m. Monday on KOMO-TV, Channel 4. That goofy Dennis Miller, Monday Night Football’s new jester, is a beautiful alternative to the beefcake on Fox.
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