Some might think it’s tacky to save cremated remains in a cookie jar, but it’s been done. Suzi Pennington with the Neptune Society of Lynn­wood said she has seen it all.

“I had a family bring in a canning jar last week,” Pennington said. “They wanted their son in it.”

When ashes are ready to be picked up after a cremation, I think it would be a cruddy job to notify the family.

“Mr. Smith is ready.”

“Feel free to come and get your wife.”

“We’ve got a package for you.”

Dale Amundsen at Washelli’s Bothell Funeral Home and Cremation Center helps make phone calls bearable.

“Typically, we say something like ‘Mrs. Jones, I’m calling to let you know that we have Mr. Jones’ cremated remains here in our office,’ ” Amundsen said. “Nothing too exciting about that, I suppose.”

His company does not use the word “ashes.”

“In the strict sense of the word, they are not ashes such as you would have after burning a log in the fireplace or using charcoal on the grill,” he said. “In the process of cremation, most of our tissue is consumed in the fire and goes up the chimney. What remains in the cremation chamber after all is done is, essentially, are bones, usually in fragmented form at that point.”

The fragments are then pulverized into the consistency of fine sand, he said.

“One thing we try to do, when we know approximately when a family may come for those cremated remains, is to have the urn set on a table in the front of our chapel, with appropriate music playing in the background,” Amundsen said. “I’ll have candles on either side of the urn. When the family comes in, I will usher them into the chapel and bring them to the front with me. I will then respectfully take the urn and place it in a family member’s hands.”

At that point, Amundsen says, “I have Mr. Jones’ urn here in our place of respect at the front of the chapel.”

He may add something like “Our thoughts continue with you as you remember your loved one.”

At the Bothell business, they have the cutest stuffed animals made to hold cremains. He said one time, the wife of a motorcycle police officer put her husband’s cremains in his boot.

As I left the building, Amundsen sprinkled a bit of funeral home humor on me.

“Be careful out there. We don’t want to see you too soon.”

Rod Sewell, funeral director and co-manager at Gilbertson Funeral Home in Stanwood, said the cremated remains are referred to as cremains.

“When we receive cremains from the crematorium, we secure them in our safe and register them,” Sewell said. “When arrangements have been made, we have the responsible family member sign for the cremains, when they take delivery.”

When the family receives the cremains, he said, they are placed in a paper or velvet carrying container. Family members are instructed in the proper method of scattering, if that is the family’s choice of disposal.

“Respect” is the key word at Purdy and Walters with Cassidy of Everett.

“We never use the word ‘ashes’ unless the family uses that terminology first,” said office manager Wendy Cruttenden. “We telephone the family to make an appointment.”

They let the family know that Mr., Mrs. or Miss Smith is ready for release.

“We set up a quiet room with a red rose and burning candle and inform them to take their time,” Cruttenden said. “Picking up a family member can by very traumatic for some people.”

If there is a flag for the family, they set up the urn in the chapel and present the colors to the bugle call of taps.

There is no correct way to tell folks cremains are ready, said Jack Springer, former director of the Cremation Association of North America.

“In my own case, the funeral director brought my mother’s remains to my home in the urn I had chosen,” Springer said. “CANA feels that you scatter for the deceased, memorialize for the living, and you can do both with cremation.”

At the Neptune Society in Lynnwood, they even deal with whether or not a family wants to know when the cremation is taking place.

“We will keep them abreast,” Pennington said, “Or some don’t want to know. Some say just call when it’s done.”

Everyone I spoke with agreed the word “ashes” is not an appropriate way to respect the dead. What type of urn is used is a matter of choice. Pennington said they fill whatever container the family brings.

One had cremains put into a Folger’s coffee can.

“Whatever the family wants,” she said.

Kristi O’Harran: 425-339-3451 or oharran@heraldnet.com.