nFunny noises coming from the vicinity of your car’s transmission can be silenced only by huge expenditures of money. If you ignore said noises until the pool of oil shows up, the costs go up exponentially.
nAbout the only thing I’m getting out of all of the televised debates is that most candidates will provide a direct answer to a question at about the same time as ice skates go on sale in hell. According to all of the history I’ve read, this has pretty much always been true.
nIf O.J. keeps trying to get himself thrown into jail, maybe we should just grant him his wish and put him there.
n”She Wore A Yellow Ribbon” is the best western ever made. “Casablanca” is the best movie ever made. On this, there is no room for argument.
nThe CEOs of all major airlines should be required to make a cross-country flight (in coach, mind you) at least once every month. They should also be personally responsible for every step of the trip. This would include booking the flight, driving themselves to the airport, looking for parking, getting bumped from the flight, re-booking, getting through security, having their departure delayed, missing connections, waiting for lost luggage, and praying that someone, somewhere, is really trying to do something to improve things.
nBush. Clinton. Clinton. Bush. Bush. Clinton (maybe). Clinton (heaven help us). I really don’t think this is what the founding fathers had in mind. Nor do I think it’s healthy. In a nation of 300 million or so people, I’m sure we could come up with a few other individuals capable of running this show every bit as badly as this group has or will in the future.
nThe most overblown and over-hyped event on Earth is the halftime show at the Super Bowl. Saying that it’s also as boring as watching paint dry would be redundant.
nPeople who text message while driving should have a designated lane on all highways nationwide. That would be the lane wherein fully loaded 18-wheelers are traveling in the opposite direction at 75 mph. I think that this might be the only way to bring these bozos’ minds back to the task at hand — driving the darned car.
nDoing funny and foolish things in the middle of the floor with your children or grandchildren is probably the most important thing you’ll do on any given day.
nHands down, the best smell on Earth is freshly baked bread. Doesn’t taste half-bad, either.
nWe should just, in the name of good taste and decorum, knock off all of the “E.D.” commercials on television.
nI really don’t want to be standing next to some of today’s televangelists when they have to stand tall on Judgment Day. That’s when they’ll have to explain all of the worldly goods they accumulated here on Earth while others went without.
nThe mellowest sound on Earth is a mother humming to her baby.
nIf you can see the bottom of a full cup of coffee, (A) It isn’t really coffee; and (B) It’s not worth drinking.
nIf you want a surefire way to make it tough for this country to get into a war, there’s one way to do it. Make it a condition of holding office that every representative’s oldest son or daughter (once they are of age) must serve in a frontline combat unit for the entire time that each representative remains in office. Note: An additional benefit of such a requirement would be that term limits might never be required.
nThe shortest measurable interval of time is the period between stubbing your toe while walking barefoot to the bathroom at night and shouting the expletive that wakes up your spouse.
nGiving bogus answers to poll questions is just plain fun. If enough of us did it, it’d put an end to polls and keep the politicians and their “handlers” guessing. Might even make one or two of them decide to do something radical like telling us exactly what they believed.
nReality shows aren’t.
nAny smell coming from under your house will only get worse with time. The physical job of dealing with what’s causing the smell pretty much follows that same rule too.
Larry Simoneaux lives in Edmonds. His e-mail address is larrysim@att.net.
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