Truly, madly, Marchly. Let’s duly and drooly double dribble through the news:

•”Frumpy is the new funky“: No, it’s not. A Philadelphia Inquirer report from the fashion runways says conservative looks with longer skirts and buttoned up blouses are trendy this spring. So that would be conservative, not frumpy. Frumpy is unknowingly having your daughter’s soccer sock static-clinging for its life on the rear of that skirt.

Revealing that once again there is very little original thinking in fashion, one designer called her long-sleeved tan-and-black polka-dot dress creation with a high neck and tie — “the librarian.” Sigh. Even in high fashion, wonderous librarians are relegated to donning only stereotypes. Frumps can be found in all jobs, working right alongside their smartly-outfitted colleagues. They’re the ones with stapled pant hems, strategically wearing their ID badge to cover a stain.

And if frumpy is really funky, truly a trend, where is the unisex, elastic-waisted, coffee-colored and coffee- smelling, chocolate-smeared, cookie-crumby pantsuit called “the journalist”? Add a green eyeshade for a jaunty look.

•”ZZ Top, George Thorogood to headline new ‘rock legends’ cruise“: Still doesn’t make frumpy the new funky. While the ship leaves from Florida, the rock legends, including Molly Hatchet, will keep a wary eye out for suspicious mid-voyage turns toward ice floes.

“Pork board swaps ‘The Other White Meat’ For ‘Be Inspired‘”: That’s the meat producers changing their slogan, not Congress.

“Charlie Sheen set to buy Beverly Hills home“: Because you were wondering how the Wall Street Journal would find an angle on this “story.”

“Readers support cosmetic makeover”: Well, one reader anyway. This was from a letter in the Tuesday Dear Abby column from a woman concerned about her friend who may have been passed over for a promotion due to “personal grooming issues.”

The woman doesn’t smell or anything, but chooses not to wear makeup, or pluck her eyebrows or her apparent hairy feet, as seen when she wears sandals. Abby and at least one reader urged the woman to take her friend for a “makeover.”

Others came to the woman’s defense, including a letter writer signed “Mike in Everett, Wash.” Mike suggested the woman look for a job where skills are appreciated over looks: “I work in aerospace, where we value (and need) smart women who can make things happen. We love women with strength and character, and tend to be suspicious of someone trying to pull off the ‘Barbie Doll’ image.”

Speaking for frumpy and non-frumpy alike, the plucked and the unplucked, the smooth and the furry, we value (and need) smart men like Mike.