This is the week to try out some daring new ensemble you’ve been longing to wear, but don’t have the courage, so that if the reaction is “Oh, my dear” instead of “Oh, my!” you can respond with “Isn’t this a hoot? I’m on my way to a costume party.” Let’s unmask the headlines:
•”Oh, baby! Artist due to give birth at a New York gallery”: Performance artist Marni Kotak, 36, told the Village Voice: “I hope that people will see that human life itself is the most profound work of art, and that therefore giving birth, the greatest expression of life, is the highest form of art.”
Yes, it’s her first child. Speaking for the group, it would be a lot more fun to just hear a gallery full of women who have actually given birth laugh at that statement.
•”Cadillac bringing ‘gesture recognition’ to touch-screens”: Really? Does it say things like, “That was quite rude, young man.”
Or, “I’m sorry, gesture unrecognized, ma’am. But please don’t do that again.”
•”1 in 6 cellphones have traces of fecal E. coli”: Is that where the phrase “Talking out of your (…)” comes from?
The good news is that the study was conducted in London, so we don’t have to worry about our clean, American phones.
But it does take some of the luster off the blustery moniker “Smart Phone,” doesn’t it?
•”Reports: Moammar Gaddafi killed”: Say what you will about 2011, the year is shaping up to be a bad one for despotic dictators, in a good way.
“Suspect accidentally posts photo on Facebook via stolen phone”: Did he update his status to “Up a fecal E. coli creek”?
“Lingerie Football League wants to start a youth league”: Good grief. Given child exploitation laws, and decency, wouldn’t such a league be criminal? And this is in supposedly progressive Seattle.
The lingerie players and promoters must not be aware that in several other areas of our nation, flag football leagues for girls are thriving. Alaska and Florida have sanctioned them as girls sports. Texas, naturally, has a growing league.
So, definitely, the Pacific Northwest could use a girls football league, but the athletic kind, not the lingerie kind.
A sport aimed at the participants, not oglers. What a concept.
•”Why garage door openers stop working when the Lincoln’s in port”: Despite the trouble it might cause, it really is quite something to see a creaky old garage door going up and down by itself, like nosy Mrs. Gladys Kravitz might witness on “Bewitched.”
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