Before it became a technology capable of helping foment revolution and topple political regimes, or just another way to embarrass oneself, the word “twitter” meant: 1. To utter a succession of light chirping or tremulous sounds; chirrup.
2. a. To speak rapidly and in a tremulous manner: twitt
ering over office gossip.
b. To giggle nervously; titter.
3. To tremble with nervous agitation or excitement.
So, Rep. Anthony Weiner’s reason for being in the news manages to combine all definitions. A Twitter-twittering-twit.
Wasn’t it Mae West who quipped, “Is that a Tweet or are you just happy to see me?”
Other tittery headlines:
•”Dolly Parton launches pirate show at South Carolina resort“: A new dinner theater show called Pirates Voyage replaces the country singer’s popular Western-themed Dixie Stampede show on the South Carolina coast. Let the “Avast, those mateys!” jokes begin.
“Asian, Iceland routes help bring 32 percent increase in foreign visitors to state“: Washington’s new tourist slogan: Downright balmy compared to Iceland!
“Mariners hit a whole bunch, Hernandez stellar in 8-2 romp over Rays“: No, not one of the signs of The Rapture. Just a good sign. In addition to the pitching, and the hitting that’s coming along, the M’s have a roster that has a requisite number of excellent names for a winning team. For example:
— Felix Hernandez. Yes, known as King Felix. But he also brings to mind Felix the Cat, and his “Magic Bag of Tricks.” The name “Felix” comes from the Latin words felis (cat) and felix (lucky). But rather than lucky, Felix is a Dominatus cat.
— Justin Smoak. When he’s hot, no explanation necessary.
— Ichiro. The coveted one-name status. Plus, a concession-stand sushi roll named after him.
— Brandon League. How cool is it to say, “League, the American League-leader in saves.”
— Jason Vargas. His excellent pitching can cause opposing to batters to disgustedly exclaim “Vargas!” just like in “The Bizzaro Jerry” episode of Seinfeld where Vargas, a FedEx worker, is the bizzaro counterpart to postal worker Newman, Jerry’s nemesis.
— Franklin Gutierrez. Guti has guts, grace and speed, giving would-be home-run hitters indigestion.
Perhaps Felix and his Karmic Bag of Tricks could give those coaches and sports writers who questioned whether the Gold Glover was actually sick a day or 100 in a pair of ill-fitting irritable bowel syndrome shoes.
— Chone Figgins. He needs one name, like Figgy, because no amount of brain retraining can make his first name read “Sean” instead of “Shone.”
— Aaron Laffey. Because there’s no crying in baseball.
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