Burke: A glut of political turkeys explains the drop in price

By Tom Burke / Herald Columnist

Tomorrow, the Burkes will sit down to a traditional roast turkey with gravy, dressing and all the fixingss. I hope you will be too.

Grace will be said and we’ll each speak of what we’re thankful for this year.

Then we’ll (delicately) tear into the food and as dinner progresses cross conversations will predominate, voices will rise, crescendo, seconds will be served and then desserts plated. Turkey Day Round 2 will begin as my adult children go foraging through my whiskey cabinet and the single-malts will be offered, the Bailey’s uncorked, and the port passed (Costco offers a very nice 10-year old wine at a very reasonable price) and we’ll, mellowly, finish solving the world’s problems.

And if this sounds almost too perfect, well, we’ve been a very lucky family these past 50 years.

It hasn’t always been easy, but, so far so good.

Except.

Except.

Except this year I fear we’ve got far too many turkeys flying about to celebrate sanguinely. Indeed, more turkeys this year than I can ever remember. No wonder the price of turkeys at the supermarket has gone down.

The list is long and that overused “clown car” analogy doesn’t seem really overused at all, examining their behavior.

So consider if these are the turkeys you want roosting in the halls of government and influence: Donald Trump, Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Bobert, Matt Gaetz, Paul Gosar, Tommy Tuberville, Jill Stein, Steve Bannon, Kellyanne Conway, Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, Mo Brooks, Louie Gohmert, Jim Jordan, Ron Johnson, Cenk Uygur, Marsha Blackburn, Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Rick Scott, Marco Rubio, Dean Phillips, Tom Cotton, Mike Lee, Kevin McCarthy, Marianne Williamson, Elise Stefanik, Steve Scalise, Andy Biggs, Ron DeSantis, Greg Abbott, Kristi Noem, Cornel West, Doug Ducey, Sean Hannity, Lindsay Graham, Kevin McCarthy, Rashida Tlaib, Andy Biggs, Mike Collins, Byron Donalds, Mark Green, Ronny Jackson, Anna Lunna, Scott Perry, Chip Roy, Roseanne Barr, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, James Comer, Markwayne Mullin, Laura Ingraham, Jesse Waters, Tucker Carlson, RFK, Jr., Stephen Miller, Peter Thiel, Charlie Kirk, Niki Haley, Jeffery Clark, Dionesh D’Sousa, or Vivek Ramaswamy.

(And if you don’t know all these people, ya better find out, now, before you vote [you have 349 days] because if Trump and MAGA candidates win your tableful of turkey and stuffing and homemade pies is gonna taste like ashes.

So what would it mean if Trump and his turkeys were in power again and they do what they say they’ll do?

Well, for women it could mean a national ban on abortion after six weeks.

For Ukraine supporters it means Russia wins; Ukraine goes under; and Putin will be emboldened to attack what was once NATO, because Trump says he’ll quit that vital alliance.

For those who didn’t vote for Trump and wish to publicly express their displeasure at his election, it will mean confrontations with the U.S. Army and tear gas, truncheons, jail, or worse; because Trump has promised to invoke the Insurrection Act on his first day in office, allowing him to deploy the military against civil demonstrations.

If Trump deems you “disloyal,” it means arrest and prosecution as he’s announced the Justice Department will investigate all who were critical of him (including former AG Bill Barr and former Joint Chiefs chairman Gen. Mark A. Milley). Trump also threatened prosecuting officials at the FBI and Justice Department and vowed to appoint a special prosecutor to “go after” President Biden and his family.

If you care about human rights and the law it means watching Trump’s minions scouring the country for unauthorized immigrants; rounding up millions and detaining them in sprawling (concentration) camps; then expelling them without the required due process (He bragged, “we will carry out the largest domestic deportation operation in American history.”)

He’ll also ban entry by people from certain Muslim-majority nations and reimpose an old policy of refusing asylum claims. He’ll end birthright citizenship for babies born in the U.S. of undocumented parents via a Trump “proclamation” and end protections for Dreamers. And if Congress won’t pay for his schemes he’ll redirect money from the military budget, as he did for his (failed) border wall.

Now if you work for the federal government you’ll be purged if Trump or his posse deems you “disloyal;” as he’ll reclassify tens of thousands of civil service workers as at-will employees, a move making it easier to fire them.

And for all of us, Trump will force local law enforcement agencies to “stop-and-frisk” to receive federal funding; he’ll deploy the National Guard to deal with what he says are high crime cities; and the unhoused will be forced into “tent cities” on “inexpensive land” by giving them a choice between relocating or jail.

Trump will also impose across-the-board tariffs on all imported goods; bring independent agencies (such as the Federal Trade Commission) under his direct control; and force all agencies submit actions to the White House for review.

He threatens to refuse to spend money on programs Congress funds but he doesn’t like; take control of the Federal Reserve; and pardon himself (if convicted) and a “large portion” of the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrectionists, “I mean full pardons with an apology to many.”

So gentle reader, if all this sounds like the America you would be thankful for on November 21, 2024, then woe betide you (and me).

I’ll give Liz Cheney (certainly not a “vermin” liberal, communist, socialist, leftist, Democrat) the last word, “He (Trump) cannot be the next president because if he is … he will unravel the institution of democracy. There will be no guardrails. Donald Trump is the single-most dangerous threat we face. Everyone has been warned.”

Slava Ukraini.

Tom Burke’s email address is t.burke.column@gmail.com.