Comment: For Gold Star Families it’s not a happy Memorial Day

By London J. Bell / InsideSources.com

The first warm days of spring in Michigan are always so exciting to celebrate. It is reminder that Memorial Day weekend is on the way as well as the kickoff for summer.

For me and my family, those first few warm days are beautiful, but also a reminder that Memorial Day is a painful reminder of our loss. My family and I are what is known as a Gold Star Family. Gold Star Families are families who have tragically lost a U.S. service member while serving during a time of conflict. For Gold Star Families, Memorial Day is the day we honor and remember the ultimate sacrifice of our fallen service member. It is a very painful day.

On Nov. 30, 2011, the lives of my mom, my dad, my sister and myself changed forever. My brother, Staff Sgt. Vincent J. Bell of the Marine Corps, had been in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, for only about 30 days when he was killed by an improvised explosive device while on a foot patrol; he was 28 years old.

Vincent had been in the Marines for 10 years and had already completed four tours of duty in Iraq. He absolutely loved being a Marine and serving our beautiful country. This was his life’s work. He left an incredible legacy and is remembered by fellow Marines as being a dynamic and compassionate servant leader.

These are some of the very skills Vincent learned while growing up in our neighborhood in Detroit. Vincent completely gave of himself to his work, his Marines, and those he loved; and it is still extremely hard for all of us to accept that he is not with us. We have beautiful memories of him, and sometimes I still like to close my eyes and remember his hearty laugh when he would tease me and our sister.

On Memorial Day, my family and I don’t celebrate a holiday with a backyard barbecue or time at the park or beach. For us, and for fellow Gold Star Families across the nation, Memorial Day is about honoring and remembering the beloved service member we have tragically lost. For many of us it is a reality once more of the empty seat at the dinner table, missed birthdays, missed hugs, and missed smiles and laughs. Memorial Day is the time many of us visit Section 60 of Arlington National Cemetery, the final resting place for many of the men and women who died while serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

There are many meaningful ways to honor and remember our country’s fallen service members during Memorial Day. First, speak their names. This year speak aloud the names of and hold a moment of silence for those who have given their lives in service to our nation. Learn more about the history of Memorial Day to deepen your understanding and share these facts with family, friends and your community. If there are Memorial Day events in your community, plan to attend and speak the names of the fallen service members from your community. If there are no Memorial Day events in your community, take the lead and create one. You may be the very person needed in your community to start an important tradition of honoring our fallen service members.

Also, learn more about Arlington National Cemetery or the national cemeteries in your state, and make plans to visit. Learn more about and support Gold Star Families. It is also especially important for everyone to understand the differences between Memorial Day and Veterans Day, and to understand that there will be people in your community in and out of uniform who have suffered the loss of a service member. Memorial Day is a particularly difficult time for many people, and grace and kindness throughout the weekend, whether at the grocery store or the park, will go a long way.

Finally, instead of saying Happy Memorial Day — let others know that you plan to have a meaningful Memorial Day weekend by honoring and remembering those who gave their lives in service to our nation and resting, relaxing and spending time with loved ones at the family barbecue. It is very much OK to do both.

London J. Bell is the Gold Star sister of Staff Sgt. Vincent J. Bell, a Marine who was killed in action in 2011 in Afghanistan. She wrote this for InsideSources.com.