Don’t surrender streets to these salty scalawags

Shiver me timbers.

A local pirate enthusiast wants Everett to be the site of a summer festival called Salty Pirate Daze Jamboree.

Ken Boisse would like the festival to replace the defunct Salty Sea Days, a tradition of 34 years until the city decided to no longer subsidize it.

Boisse isn’t asking the city for a single dubloon, but would like support in the way of closing streets and such. The City Council said it will wait for a solid proposal from Boisse before deciding on whether to help out or not.

Avast ye mateys, this is a bad idea. Make it walk the plank. Nothing against pirates. Arrrrrrr.

The Salty Pirate Daze Jamboree is being billed as a family-friendly event with parades, a carnival and pirates. Boisse said it would be a tourist draw for more than six dozen pirate groups scattered across the country. They better leave now if they are arriving by ship.

Boisse said his budget for the festival will be $5,000. The Salty Sea Days subsidy was $70,000 and even then some people complained the event didn’t have enough ooomph. Another concern was that Salty Sea Days, held in June, was too close to July Fourth festivities. Pirate Daze would have the same problem.

It would also have other problems. People running around in pirate costumes do not a festival make. It’s hard to picture the high school bands marching in the pirate parade, playing pirate songs. Long beards and wooden legs can be hazardous on carnival rides.

A side attraction to Pirate Daze would be the presence of wenches. Arrrr. Not just any wenches, but naughty wenches. They can currently be seen in Boisse’s latest work, a calendar titled “Naughty Wenches 2006.” Nothing against naughty wenches, but family friendly they are not. The wenches recently signed calendars at Lovers Lair in Lynnwood and pole danced. Who knew pole dancing was a pirate tradition? Here, in modern times, pole dancers can be found at strip clubs, not summer festivals.

Boisse said the wenches are to get adults interested in pirates, since kids already are. Naughty wenches may succeed in getting some adults interested in something, but maybe not pirates so much.

Pirates are associated with Seafair, which is Seattle’s summer festival. Pirates are not associated with Everett, historically or otherwise. So we suggest Boisse change his plan, and align himself with International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which is Sept. 19. Because it’s fun to talk like a pirate, arrrrrr! But days of it? Ahoy?

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