Click.

”- and all the proceeds from the concert will go to charity. Sheila?”

“Thanks, Mike. I didn’t even know Great Danes wanted to play the tuba! Phil?”

“Sheila, some doctors are perfectly happy to have the average Joe like you and me as their patients. But other doctors just seem to attract a more prominent clientele. Well, what if I told you that one of the doctors in our very own community was about to leave us to care for someone whose name and picture have been plastered all over TV for months?”

“And would you happen to have this particular doctor sitting right next to you here in the studio?”

“I do indeed, Sheila – from the downtown campus of Ted’s Medical Center, welcome Dr. Larry P. Riddalyn, a behavioral psychologist who’s about to pull up stakes and move to New York City. And he’ll be working there with none other than John Bolton, the president’s new ambassador to the United Nations. Welcome, doc – that’s quite an assignment!”

“Nice to be here, Phil. Yes it is.”

“He’s a pretty controversial choice, this Bolton, isn’t he? Lots of complaints about his management style – some people say he’s a real bully, a lot of sharp elbows. They’re saying he even tried to twist some of the intelligence to pump up the president’s case for war with Iraq. Sounds like you could have your hands full! So what exactly will you be doing?”

“Well, Phil, I’ll be helping John Bolton to reform himself.”

“To reform himself – fascinating! And when did he call to ask for your help? Even before the president officially appointed him, or just since it was announced?”

“Oh, he hasn’t actually asked for my help.”

“He hasn’t? Well, one of his staffers then, on his behalf.”

“No, not that either.”

“So you mean Ted’s Med already had an arrangement with him.”

“Actually, we’ve never met the man. I’m just doing this on my own.”

“That’s pretty – I mean, isn’t that kind of unusual? A doc just – what? – showing up on some guy’s doorstep and saying, ‘Hi! I’m here to help?’ Don’t you normally – “

“It’s an approach I thought would be appropriate with Mr. Bolton. You know how the president says he’s sending John Bolton to the U.N. to help the U.N. reform itself? Not that the U.N. ever asked for his help? Well, I figure I can be the same kind of help to Mr. Bolton.”

“Help him to reform himself.”

“Exactly.”

“The bullying and the arrogance and everything else.”

“The whole nine yards.”

“Wow. Incredible. You must be – I mean, to go out of your way like this, move to New York and everything, you must be a really big John Bolton fan.”

“Don’t like him much at all, actually. From what I’ve seen of him anyway.”

“But then why – “

“He seems like a pretty dysfunctional character – I’m not speaking medically, you understand. Just from observing him.”

“So you want to help him become more … functional. Make sure he’s successful at his new job.”

“Doesn’t matter to me one way or the other. Actually, I’d just as soon he go down in flames.”

“But then – “

“It’s no different from how he feels about the U.N., is it? From everything I’ve read, he hasn’t had any use for the U.N. for years – but that doesn’t keep him from becoming our ambassador there and going up there expecting to throw his weight around.”

“So you intend to be as devoted to John Bolton as John Bolton is to the U.N.?”

“It’s the least I can do.”

Click.

Rick Horowitz is a nationally syndicated columnist. Contact him by writing to rickhoro@execpc.com.