Let’s hope that unlike in years past, all Easter-egg-hunt attending parents this weekend managed to conduct themselves properly, which is to say they didn’t fight among themselves, or knock over some kids to give their own an “advantage” in “finding” an egg. Let’s eat too many chocolate bunnies while we take a peep at the headlines:
“Stanford offers free tuition to families that make less than $125K”: Wow. And if a family makes less than $65,000, the student also gets free room and board. Good for Stanford, which encourages other schools to follow its example. (Yale and Harvard offer free tuition to those who make less than $65,000.) And it’s a practical reason not to burden your budding scholar with a guilt-by-association parental Easter-egg-hunt misdemeanor, if compassion isn’t your thing.
“Are humans really smarter now? Study says technology only makes us feel like we are”: “Cortana? Remind me later to ask Siri if it’s true that technology only makes us feel smarter.”
“Police patrol Indiana pizzeria that won’t cater gay weddings”: What a topic to ignore, I know, but I had to confirm that in fact, no gay wedding party ever asked that the pizzeria cater their wedding reception, but rather the restaurant simply made the announcement in case such a request is ever made … which, you know, it wouldn’t.
“Is Amazon about to get classy with its biggest acquisition ever?”: Here’s the common American error that equates spending large amounts of money with being “classy.” (And in this case spending a lot of money on a “high-end retailer.”) The more accurate term would be something like “nouveau riche.”
“Property crimes plague county, state at higher than average rates” and “Unlocked cars result in thefts in Snohomish”: Hmm. As Snohomish Police Chief John Flood said, ““People really need to lock their doors.”
“As it turns 40, Microsoft still has some surprises left”: A surprise only to Apple-only snobs, and those who love to declare things dead. And yes, the Blackberry comeback is real, too. And college kids don’t want to read their text books on Kindle, either.
“Cranky runaway pig terrorizes Burger King”: But it really turned out to be one of those Snickers commercials: “Come on, Miss Piggy, have a Snickers. You know you’re not yourself when you are hungry!” And then a mean Miss Piggy transmogrifies back into a friendly Wilbur, or some cute actress.
“Record number of 3,000 atoms linked in quantum entanglement”: Note to self: Be sure to employ the phrase “quantum entanglement” in my work-in-progress futuristic romance novel. (Working title, “Sense and Sensibility and Siri.” Or “Gone With the Wi-Fi.” Or “Even Cortana Gets the Blues.”)
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; firstname.lastname@example.org