So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, adieu,
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu.
Oh, is that song stuck in your head now? We apologize to anyone who may be offended.
Goodbye, 2006, and hopefully it’s goodbye to fake apologies, which have been rampant for some time, but seemed to really come into their own in 2006. Au’voir, please, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and Rosie O’Donnell. (She “apologized” for reducing the Chinese language to “ching-chong” and then explained: “This apparently was very offensive to a lot of Asian people. So I asked Judy, who’s Asian and works here in our hair and makeup department. I said, ‘Was it offensive to you?’ And she said, ‘Well, kinda. When I was a kid people did tease me by saying ching-chong.’
“So apparently ‘ching-chong,’ unbeknownst to me, is a very offensive way to make fun, quote-unquote, or mock, Asian accents. Some people have told me it’s as bad as the n-word. I was like, really? I didn’t know that.”
So long George “macaca” Allen (“I would never want to demean him as an individual. I do apologize if he’s offended by that.”); goodbye John “I sincerely regret that my words were misinterpreted” Kerry; bye-bye former U.S. Rep. Mark “Congressional page” Foley (“I am deeply sorry, and I apologize for letting down my family and the people of Florida I have had the privilege to represent.” )
It would be wonderful in 2007 to say arevederchi to those who should apologize, for their general annoyingness, and then disappear. Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Tom Cruise come to mind. We do not apologize to any fans who may be offended. Sorry. Er, not.
We can’t blame it all on Britney Spears and her ilk, but we would love to see 2007 usher in a return to an era where little, preteen and even teen girls get to be girls again, instead of the pseudo-empowered, sexualized, dirty dancing, dirty blogging, belly-baring, thong-wearing, fake big breasts-envying, seen-it-all pretending little women of today. Yes, their bodies are maturing earlier than ever before, which is all the more reason to help them protect and respect the still-maturing person inside.
Other things we’d like to see in 2007, in no particular order: A year without a hike in cable costs. (Oops, too late, make that a wish for 2008.) A year in which four universities in Washington make it to the NCAA basketball tournament; a ban on the Seahawks saying they “need their swagger back”; ciao to studded tires; hello to blinkers and other driving courtesies; recognition that not everyone has a computer; acknowledgement that teeny, weeny, itsy, bitsy phones probably aren’t the best vehicle for watching TV or listening to music.
Happy New Year to yieu and yieu and yieu.
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