A cable network calling itself “The Learning Channel” sounds so educational. But TLC is to education as MTV is to music.

The Learning Channel Web site boasts: “…TLC presents high-quality, relatable and authentic personal stories. TLC connects more than 97 million homes in North America to the human experience with life’s lessons you can’t learn from books.”

Well, thank goodness for books. Because the “life lessons” the network is shilling are more often than not troubling. (The network avoids the phrase “reality TV” because it clashes with “learning.” They don’t want to be confused with the Oxymoron, er, Oxygen Channel.)

Cases in point:

— The Pennsylvania Department of Labor is looking into whether TLC’s hit show “Jon &Kate Plus 8” is complying with child labor laws. The series follows Jon and Kate Gosselin as they raise their children — 8-year-old twins and sextuplets who just turned 5. The channel continues to promote the show as the adventures of a happy and wholesome family even as every single national magazine and tabloid trumpets the couple’s apparently disintegrating marriage. Such disingenuousness (on the part of the network, and the parents, who acknowledge marriage problems but both agree the show must go on!) can be a “learning moment.” Unfortunately, it’s the eight kids who are getting a really ugly, years-of-therapy-worthy “life lesson you can’t learn from books.”

— Trying to capitalize on the popularity of “Jon &Kate,” the network goes big-family crazy and introduces “18 Kids and Counting” and “Twelve at the Table.” With those shows lacking controversey and much of anything of interest, however, TLC quit all pretense and went for the jugular with the truly disturbing “Toddlers and Tiaras,” which follows families preparing for child beauty pageants. Two such competitions are the “Chitlin’ Strut” and “Darling Divas.” Parents make them “compete,” and cry, wear make-up, spray-on tans and dentures to cover small or missing teeth. They “compete” in talent, evening wear, casual wear and swim suit categories. These are toddlers who have absolutely no say in the matter. Please rename the show “Parents and Tiaras” and call child protective services.

A Web site devoted to reality TV shows reports that a Facebook group started by teenage girls is lobbying to have “Toddlers and Tiaras” removed from the air on the grounds that it sexualizes girls as young as 2.

A real “learning channel” would be proud of those girls, and inspired to create a game show called “Smart Teens.” Wearing a tiara would be akin to a dunce cap for wrong answers.