“Can you believe that woman?!” says Bunk from the couch.
Debunk is in the kitchen, so Bunk says it again, with a little more volume, and with exactly the same inflection.
“Can you believe that woman?!”
It’s important to get the inflection right, Bunk knows. With Debunk, Bunk knows, it’s important to get everything right. They’ve been best friends forever, and best arguing buddies every bit as long. They argue about politics, and everything else. Constantly. Bunk hasn’t won these arguments nearly as often as he thinks he should have won these arguments. (They even argue about that.)
“Your ex?”
Debunk is back from the kitchen now, with two cold ones and a bag of chips.
“Nancy Pelosi,” says Bunk.
“Ah, Nancy Pelosi!” says Debunk. “What’s she done this time?”
“You don’t know?” Bunk is incredulous. The two of them live for the news channels, for the Web sites. There isn’t any scrap of political news that slips past them.
“I’d rather hear it from you.”
“She told him to ‘Calm down.’”
“She did.”
“She told the president of the United States to ‘Calm down.’ With the threats, she said. ‘Calm down with the threats.’”
“Bush was threatening her?”
“He wasn’t threatening her – he was threatening Congress. About the Iraq money. And she told him to ‘Calm down.’”
“I don’t see what’s so – “
“And ‘Take a deep breath’ – she actually told him to ‘Take a deep breath’! Can you believe that?!”
There’s a momentary lull as beer bottles are lifted to mouths. Arguing about politics, they’d realized to their immense pleasure years ago, was the most dehydrating thing in the world. Bunk lowers his bottle and picks up exactly where he left off.
“Can you believe that?! And that thing she did with her hands?”
“She made an obscene gesture? To the president?”
“Worse than that! She did that thing with her hands in front of her? You know, pushing down toward the ground? Like he should just take it easy?”
“So?”
“Talk about fighting dirty!”
“I don’t – “
“How many guys do you know have had arguments with their women?”
“Counting you?”
“Of course counting me! How do you – sure, counting me. So how many guys do you know have had arguments with their women? And the guy’s really ticked off about something.”
“A hundred twenty billion dollars? I could see being ticked off about a hundred twenty billion dollars.”
“Or anything. I’m just saying.”
“Sure. Lots of guys get ticked off. Lots of guys have arguments with their women.”
“OK. Now, all the guys you know who had arguments with their women, did you ever hear of one who calmed down when the woman said ‘Calm down’?”
“Well … “
“Or ‘Take a deep breath’? Or did that pushy-pushy thing with their hands?”
“I – “
“Never! You never heard of it ‘cause it never happens! It just drives guys crazy!”
“OK.”
“You think they don’t know that? You think Pelosi didn’t know that? She’s trying to get Bush so angry he’ll go right over the edge, say something really dumb.”
“He certainly doesn’t need Nancy Pelosi’s help.”
“You bet he doesn’t! He’s perfectly – wait a minute. What did you say?”
Too late. Debunk is heading back to the kitchen.
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. Contact him by writing to rickhoro@execpc.com.
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
