The buh-bye ’09 edition …

TODAY’S LINEUP

A daily look at the top stories in today’s edition of The Herald:

1. Newest ‘Tip is so good that the White Sox named a stadium after him

New Silvertips player Clayton Cumiskey is hoping to follow his brother’s skate marks into the NHL. Everett traded Cameron Abney to acquire Cumiskey after finding out that Abney didn’t have the right NHL bloodlines.

2. That’s the last time Lake Stevens invites them to a holiday party

Spokane’s University High drove across the state to compete in the Lake Stevens Invite wrestling tournament and played the part of the rude guest who drinks all the egg nog and scratches the “Auld Lang Syne” record. Third-ranked University won the tournament, knocking off the No. 1-ranked hosts in a titanic battle of wrestling powers. No big deal, though. Vince McMahon said the whole thing was fixed.

3. A reason for Patrick Kerney to get out of bed this week

The otherwise meaningless game between the Seahawks and Tennessee Titans on Sunday does have one bit of history on the line. Seattle is hoping to keep Titans running back Chris Johnson from going over the 2,000-yard mark, which Johnson could do with 128 yards Sunday. In a related story, Seahawks coach Jim Mora is close to hitting the 2,000 milestone when it comes to using the word “fight” at press conferences.

4. You handle that Washington; I’ll do my best to get this one under control

Oregon State coach Craig Robinson, whose brother-in-law is the most famous man in the world, is trying to put aside a tough preseason in tonight’s Pac-10 opener at UW. The Huskies don’t have any presidential ties, but Justin Holiday is hoping to ring in the new year in style … without the time-and-a-half pay.

5. They’re also the heavy favorite in pre-law

The Stanford women’s basketball team, which has had some challengers for conference supremacy in recent years, is the overwhelming favorite to win the Pac-10 again. That’s good news for the UW women, who have about as much chance of supplanting Stanford as anyone else in the conference. OK, maybe that’s a stretch.

THE WARMUP PITCH

They just called to say they don’t love you

The Tiger Woods fallout continued today with word that AT&T dropped him as a sponsor. That means Tiger will have to pay for his own phone calls, and managing 14 long-distance relationships can sure be expensive.

It’s thanks-but-no-thanks season

Mike Leach and Bobby Bowden have led their final practices. Ten months after signing a three-year extension, Leach was fired by Texas Tech for improperly handling a player’s injury. The Closer has been improperly handling this internet space for half a year now, but don’t tell the boss man. Some might say that The Closer’s time has passed, which is exactly what happened to for Florida State’s Bowden.

And then the one who they actually want back

Florida’s Urban Meyer is in also his final week of work for a while because he’s taking a leave of absence to attend to health issues. Word came out Wednesday that Meyer had chest pains the day after the Gators lost to Alabama in the SEC Championship game. If Meyer gets that stressed after each loss — it was Florida’s first defeat in well over a year — just imagine what might happened if he coached at Wazzu.

Oh, and there are some bowl games, too

Five bowl games will be played today, followed by five more on New Year’s Day. It might just be easier to list the teams NOT playing in bowl games today and tomorrow. For our money, Virginia Tech-Tennessee in the Chik-Fil-A Bowl looks like the prime game of New Year’s Eve, while it’s hard to argue with the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Day. Since none of these games means a thing, maybe the most interesting bracket would be the one pitting the most pathetic bowl names. We’ll take the Papajohns.com bowl as a two-topping favorite over the Little Caesars Bowl.

Is the most exciting team from Idaho … in Moscow?

The Idaho Vandals, with two starters from Snohomish County, left viewers all wondering the same thing on Wednesday night: Where have you been all these years? Idaho was involved in the most exciting bowl game since … well, maybe that Boise State upset win over Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. The Vandals’ 43-42 win came down to a two-point conversion with :04 seconds left. Good thing Urban Meyer wasn’t coaching in this one.

Lebron, Kobe both snubbed on latest Dream Team

Roberto, Patrice and Dany might have first-name recognition north of the border, but down here we need a little more info when it comes to Canada’s version of the Dream Team. All The Closer can say for Olympic hockey is that Canada has the U.S.’s number … and nobody on this side of the Peace Arch really knows — or much cares — what that number is.

CURVE BALLS

The wild and wacky news from the world of sports …

So what … the Seahawks have been sleepwalking for an entire month

Los Angeles Lakers forward Ron Artest blamed sleepwalking on a Christmas Eve fall he took. Artest said he doesn’t even remember the fall, nor the hour he spent in the Texas Tech equipment room.

Reason No. 4,562 why we love, and hate, the internet

Some guy who professes to know things is claiming that another person who professes to know things had it all wrong on the Tiger-Woods-gets-drilled-by-Elin’s-9-iron rumors. If there’s one thing we’ve learned about the internet, it’s that we don’t much care what’s right, or what’s wrong, just that unfounded rumors are WAY more interesting than the truth could ever be.

He who screams for attention the loudest gets it

Bill Plaschke — yes, the same Bill Plaschke whose sportswriting career is often overshadowed by his constant screaming on that obnoxious cable TV show that looks like something you’d find on Nickelodeon — writes in the L.A. Times that 2009 was the year of the attention whores. Great column, but it would be a bit more respectable if Plaschke himself wasn’t one of the hollerin’ majority.

… and speaking of attention deficit disorder

Three NFL players ran their mouths Wednesday, making one last ditch effort – albeit a successful one — to get headlines. Chad Eightfive spent most of his Wednesday conference call promising to wake up the city that never sleeps. Opponent Braylon Edwards, not one to be outdone, did his best Joe Namath impersonation that didn’t involve Suzy Kolber. And Steelers linebacker LaMarr Woodley tried to unleash the inner Jerramy Stevens in the Patriots and Bengals. There was so much trash talk this week that Oscar the Grouch was said to be demanding royalties.

THE RUNDOWN

Seeing as it’s almost lunch time, The Closer is half a bottle into his New Year’s champagne celebration. Safe to say I’ll try to cut back on my intake next year. Which brings us to the top five New Year’s resolutions that locals could stand to make:

5. The Seahawks’ new GM: To finally draft a playmaker.

4. The Mariners’ owners: To open up the checkbook for starting pitchers Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee.

3. The UW football team: To protect The Franchise so Montlake Jake has a chance at Heisman candidacy.

2. Seattle Mayor Mike McGinn: To tell the NBA where they can stick it when they try to put an expansion team here.

1. The Seattle sports scene: To win 116 games in 2011 and go to the Super Bowl in 2016 … just like last decade.

Contact The Closer at inthebullpen@heraldnet.com.