Yarns from M’s past fun even for this unbiased reader

To the delight of his Seattle Mariners teammates and absolute horror of then-manager Lou Piniella, Jay Buhner could vomit on cue.

In 1977, the Mariners were eager to start their initial spring training camp in Tempe, Ariz. – but not before manager Darrell Johnson and his coaching staff spent hour after sweaty hour raking and carrying rocks and boulders out of the infield and filling gopher holes in the outfield.

Had then-owner George Argyros had his way, the Mariners would have passed on drafting Ken Griffey Jr. in 1987, in favor of somebody named Mike Harkey – all because Argyros wanted a college guy.

These and other gems are covered in lovely detail in a book entitled “Tales from the Seattle Mariners Dugout” by Kirby Arnold.

Kirby Arnold. Hmmm. Where have you heard that name?

Yes, THAT Kirby Arnold. The same Kirby Arnold who covers the Mariners for The Herald. The Kirby Arnold who hired me to work for this newspaper 10 years ago.

Wait a sec, you say. Why’s he reviewing a book by a co-worker, presumably a buddy, whose lack of foresight resulted in this guy’s employment? What’s in it for him? Or better yet, how much did Arnold pay him to expose the book to the masses?

For one thing, Arnold’s no longer my boss. I could rip the thing to shreds and all he could do would be to call me foul names. Big deal, right?

I’m not going to rip it. The fact is that I liked it – a lot. I would have liked it had Kurt Vonnegut written it, and God rest his soul, but I never could get through six consecutive pages of Kurt Vonnegut.

The book is funny, at times uproariously so. It has its sad moments, especially when it goes over the 9/11 tragedy and the way it affected the team. It has items about the Mariners that I wasn’t aware of, and I’ve followed the team closely since the origin.

“Tales” traces the Mariners from their beginning. It’s a reader-friendly book that spares us the tedious politics of ownership changes and gets down to the business of names we’re all familiar with – and their endearing, sometimes infuriating personality quirks.

It includes all the important characters, from Paul Abbott to Richie Zisk. Bill Caudill. Dave Niehaus. Ruppert Jones. Julio Cruz. Gaylord Perry. Funny Nose and Glasses Night. Buhner Buzz Cuts. Alvin Davis.

It covers the great years, from 1995 to 2001 and the lean years – every other season.

Remember Rey Quinones? A shortstop talented beyond belief, but he never made it clear that he even particularly liked the game. When he showed up late for spring training in 1987, he said it was because he had visa problems.

It was team president Chuck Armstrong who broke it to Quinones that, as a resident of Puerto Rico, he didn’t need a visa.

One time, Griffey and then-manager Bill Plummer got into a tiff on the last day of the season. Griffey had it in his mind that he would play only a few innings. Instead, Plummer left him in for six innings and three at-bats. Griffey was so angry, he played with his shoelaces untied – and even made a running catch over his head that way.

The book has its touching moments as well. We see Piniella in a light rarely seen, a Piniella who once spent more than $300 on baby formula, groceries and diapers for a suddenly jobless, broke, single mother forced to beg on the streets. He even gave her $20 for cab fare home.

Then he wept when he wondered whether he did enough for her.

Arnold takes us through a post-9/11 playoff trip to New York, where the team visited Ground Zero and met families of lost firefighters and police officers. And after that, the Mariners were to play the Yankees in the American League Championship Series.

The experience shook them, some say to the extent that baseball became unimportant, even a playoff to decide the American League representative to the World Series.

It’s all here, written in Arnold’s, descriptive, easygoing style – the style of someone who loves baseball and everything about it.

I just can’t bring myself to condemn it.

Maybe next time.

Sports columnist John Sleeper: sleeper@heraldnet.com