Happy holidays!
You thought I would say “Happy Thanksgiving” or “Merry Christmas.” Not me. You see I have become “PC” — that’s “politically correct.”
I fought hard to cling to my old ways but it is really senseless when my holiday happiness brings such misery to so many. I have seen the light! How can anyone be happy living in this country? How about the poor turkey? Imagine the stress this regal bird endures before Holidays. I may surrender and only eat tofu turkey in the future. How badly I feel that many native Americans resent my humble pride in my native land, the only homeland I have ever known. Perhaps it would make them happier if I returned to my family’s place of origin.
Soon the worst of all holidays will be here: Christmas! The very name insults many. There is no denying that it has its basis in the Christian religion. Some of us will soon be humming Christmas carols. Some radio stations will even be playing them. FYI, the real joy of Christmas for most is not the ringing of cash registers. Santa must even be careful now to say “ha ha” and not “ho ho.” Has anyone thought to notify his North Pole office? Alas, I understand that due to global warming, Rudolph will now be leading Santa’s yacht. No more snow for sleighing and the poor reindeer are dying there too. Yes, we must abolish all holidays.
I may even decide to stop celebrating my birthday and anniversary. How selfish of me when so many others have never gotten this old or stayed married this long.
Ho ho ho!
Steve Olsen
Lynnwood
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
