M & M

Two-year-old Claire Lauckhart wailed for a pretzel, while her friend, Courtney Brown, almost 3, piped out a blood-curdling scream in the next room.

Courtney’s older sister, Morgan, allegedly slapped her across the face.

“It must be 11: 30 (a.m.),” said Kathy Milanowski at a morning play group sponsored by Mill Creek’s Mothers &More advocacy group. “The kids usually melt down around this time of day. You can always tell when it’s time for lunch and a nap.”

M&M was founded in 1987 as a social and educational resource for mothers adjusting to life with children. It boasts a membership of more than 7,500 mothers in local branches nationwide.

The Mill Creek branch, celebrating its 10th anniversary this year, serves North King and South Snohomish counties. Members are treated to a range of services and activities, from seminars and playgroups to mother pampering sessions and monthly socials.

“It keeps me sane,” Milanowski said. “I didn’t really know any other moms before I joined the group, and now I have friends who understand what I’m going through.”

There was no one around for the Milanowski 17 years ago when she gave birth to her first son – “No one to say ‘I’ve been through that before. It’s totally normal.’

“I kind of figured I was in for the same when I had my 2-year-old,” she said. “It had been 15 years so I kind felt like I was having my first baby all over again. I found Mothers &More on Craig’s List and decided to see what they were about. I haven’t met anyone yet that I’ve said, ‘That’s not a nice person.’”

The group’s members include working mothers, stay-at-home mothers and many women who’ve been both.

“A lot of us are transitioning from professional lives to staying at home with our children or we’re returning from there to the workplace,” said Mill Creek chapter president Alrene Brown, mother of Courtney and Morgan. “We do have playgroups and other types of activities that allow us to interact with our children as well as other moms. But, Mothers &More is focused 100 percent on moms. Our mission is advocacy — to help mom’s realize they are not alone and that they have options.”

While people today seem more empathetic to mothers and the work that accompanies child rearing, women remain subject to societal pressures in all matters of career and family, Arlene said.

Whether they’re being told to stay home with their children or nurture their professional ambitions, “We feel guilty no matter what we do, and, yes, part of that is just because we’re women, but, it’s helpful to connect with people who share your struggles,” she added. “Mothers &More provides that connection.”

Brandi LaComee, who juggles her responsibilities as a parent and a wife with those of her home-based accounting business, cherishes her time with the other mothers in her group.

“We live for our kids and our families, but it’s important to get that time away,” she said. “I’m very lucky. My husband knows how hard it is to stay at home with the kids, and he understands that I need to take some me-time every now and then.

“He stayed home with the boys once, and when I got home he told me he was so frustrated by all the crap on TV he canceled our cable service.”

LaComee’s story about her husband was followed by an eruption of laughter from the other mothers in the group, who carried on their conversations amidst the ruckus of their children’s play.

“My husband used to come home from work and want to cuddle, when all I wanted to do was talk to an adult,” Milanowski said. “He be like, ‘Can’t you just sit here and cuddle with me and be quiet?’ and I’d say, ‘Look, I’ve been talking to a 2-year-old all day. I need to have an adult conversation.’”

It’s a common complaint from mothers — the lack of interaction with other adults on a daily basis.

For mom’s transitioning from a full-time job to staying home with their children, it’s especially difficult.

“I didn’t know what to do with my time,” said mother of two, Rachel Shinagawa. “It’s a big adjustment. I quit my job because to hours I was spending away from home, the commute time — it just wasn’t worth it. But, it was hard for the first couple of months to get used to everything.”

Shinagawa keeps herself busy taking care of her boys and running a business out of her home.

“I need to be doing something all the time,” she said. “My husband’s job keeps him away a lot and it’s hard to be on your own like that. You feel really isolated.”

The mothers group for her fills a need for companionship.

“It’s great for me to have some help from women who understand what I’m going through,” she said. “To have other people validating what I’m doing feels really good.”

The group’s influence on Milanowski’s life has been so positive, she said she’s ready to have a third child.

“Motherhood doesn’t seem nearly as scary when you have a support group in place,” she said. “My husband and I have been trying now for a couple of months to have another baby. When I found out the other day that I wasn’t pregnant, he said, ‘Don’t worry. You’re not old.’

“Come on,” she shouted. “My clock is ticking— tick-tock, tick-tock.”