SNOHOMISH — Parents shared their concerns last week as part of an ongoing series of discussions about making schools more inclusive for transgender students.
They’re learning about gender identity and weighing in as the Snohomish School Board mulls a new antidiscrimination policy. It would deal with issues such as which restrooms and locker rooms students may use, how to apply dress codes, which team sports a student may play in and even official school records.
A new approach is needed to accommondate an increasing number of students identifying as transgender at elementary and secondary schools. A transgender person has an inner sense of gender identity that does not match their sex.
Snohomish School District has two series of meetings to learn about the issues and come up with policies. One is a forum to talk about gender identity and the other is to discuss updating school policies.
During the March 8 meeting at Valley View Middle School, the mother of a transgender sixth-grader shared her family’s experience. The Herald is not naming her to keep her daughter’s identity out of the media.
At first, the mother said, she was afraid when her child started to express herself as a girl. But that fear grew into support as she learned more about gender identity and her daughter.
“She’s female from her core. Her spirit is female,” she said.
The mother said her child faces discrimination and a lack of understanding in the community, at school, and even within their family. She overcame anxiety about sharing their story in hopes of gaining more acceptance for transgender kids.
“My number one fear is the parents. I’m so scared they’re are going to teach their children to hate, judge and bully my daughter and she’ll become depressed and suicidal,” the mother told fellow parents, holding back tears. “I just want my daughter to be happy — just like everyone else.”
One mother brought up a common concern about transgender policies in schools. She said her worry was that students would be exposed to the anatomy of the opposite sex in bathrooms and locker rooms.
“The last part of her body she’d ever let anyone see are her privates,” the transgender girl’s mother said.
Kristin Foley, a spokeswoman for the district, said students are not required to take off their clothes and shower for gym classes anymore. Some athletes still do after sports but it’s no longer “the norm,” she said.
School bathrooms typically have private stalls.
Parents at the meeting exchanged tense words before finding common ground and agreed that, despite differences of opinion, they all want their kids to be kind to others.
A specialist and author with the Seattle-based nonprofit Gender Diversity was also at the meeting to help parents, students and educators better understand gender issues. Aidan Key supports families and guides organizations to accommodate people who are transgender in a nondiscriminatory way.
Gender is not as black and white as people think, Key said. Variations in anatomy that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female are not that uncommon.
Key explained being transgender as when a person identifies in their “hearts and minds” with a different gender than they were assigned at birth.
Suicide attempts and other problems are common among transgender kids who are not supported, he said. That’s why understanding gender issues is important.
Key urged the group to let go of preconceived ideas about how people should look, act or feel based on their gender. It’s also not a sexual orientation. Being gay, lesbian or straight has nothing to do with the gender one identifies with.
The groups are often lumped together for support because they face discrimination, he said.
Snohomish parents didn’t hold back with their questions, which removed a common roadblock to understanding gender issues. “People just said it, they shared their hearts,” he said.
Snohomish is not alone in facing the issue of how to accommodate transgender students.
Across Snohomish County a handful of school districts are working on the issue too. Others, including Arlington, Darrington, Edmonds, Mukilteo, Marysville and Monroe, have already put non-discrimination policies in place for transgender students.
Amy Nile: 425-339-3192; anile@heraldnet.com. Twitter: @AmyNileReports.
Gender diversity forum
Snohomish High School, 6 to 8 p.m., Tuesday, March 22, 1316 Fifth St.
Sign up at tinyurl.com/hfcbtfz.
Policy meeting:
Snohomish School District administration offices, 7 to 8 p.m., Monday, April 11, 1601 Ave. D.
Sign up at tinyurl.com/zpjlxnb.
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