By Jon Bauer / Herald Opinion Editor
Here we were, worried that the departure of Special Government Employee Elon Musk™ would mean fewer opportunities to tweak Elon and his boss — and we’re not talking about the five-year-old who gave him a black eye — over the piecemeal destruction of the country.
We needn’t have worried. We can expect that both men — each with his own social media company with which to air their beeves — to continue feeding the monologues of late-night comedians and newspaper columnists. And everyone else’s nightmares.
In other instances of denial of facts and sarcastic responses this week:
If we still had chalkboards, you’d be outside banging erasers together: A report intended to address the reasons for the decline in Americans’ life expectancy and children’s health, dubbed the MAHA Report, and commissioned by Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., was criticized for containing multiple errors in the research it cited, including alleged scientific studies that don’t exist. Some URLs for citations included the term “oaicite,” a sign the report extensively used artificial intelligence, such as a chatbot. A University of Washington professor who studies AI said he was shocked by the sloppiness. “Frankly, that’s shoddy work,” he said.
Robert, go to the whiteboard and write 500 times, “I will not use a chatbot to write my reports and claim that invasive brain worms are beneficial to memory retention.”And, no, you cannot borrow President Trump’s autopen.
Elon has left the building: Elon Musk officially left his post as head of the Department of Government Efficiency, without coming close to the $2 trillion he initially said his effort would cut from federal spending, a goal that was finally reduced to $150 billion, but with less than $35 billion in confirmed savings. Musk returns to his business empire where Tesla has seen falling profits and sales figures and SpaceX faces an uncertain ability to meet its goal to land an uncrewed mission on Mars in 2026. In one interview Musk admitted he “probably did spend a bit too much time on politics” over the past year.
Take heart, Elon. Everyone experiences regret in their lives; just ask the 7 million Tesla owners still trying to pry the T emblem off their EVs.
Please return your ID badge and chain saw: Just days after receiving a gold key from President Trump in appreciation for his service as the head of DOGE, Musk lashed out at the legislation that encompasses the president’s domestic policy agenda and would add trillions of dollars to the national debt, calling it a “disgusting abomination” that was “massive, outrageous, pork-filled.”
Hearing this, the president perked up and asked: “Did McDonald’s bring back the McRib already?”
All political careers end, Joni: Sen. Joni Ernst, R-Iowa, is facing criticism regarding her response at a town hall over concerns that Americans might die under cuts proposed by Republicans to Medicaid and food stamps. “Well, we’re all going to die,” Ernest responded. Later, amid blacklash to the comment, Ernst posted a video on Instagram: “I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize for a statement that I made yesterday at my town hall,” Ernst said in the clip, with a sarcastic tone. “And I made an incorrect assumption that everyone in the auditorium understood that, yes, we are all going to perish from this earth. So I apologize, and I’m really, really glad that I did not have to bring up the subject of the tooth fairy as well.”
Ernst, further honing her nihilistic vibe, donned a black turtleneck and beret, grabbed a pair of bongos and a clove cigarette and invited constituents to the coffeehouse next door to continue a discussion about the meaninglessness of life, the uselessness of empathy and the inner joy of crushing the hopes of young children.
Apparently, we’re deep into sarcasm season: The recently hired acting head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency told employees that he was unaware that the United States had a hurricane season; though some staffers said they weren’t certain if he was being serious or perhaps was just being sarcastic. The remark was made a day after the start of the Atlantic hurricane season, which lasts until Nov. 30 and is expected to see an above-average number of named storms. The acting director, David Richardson, previously worked in the Department of Homeland Security’s Countering Weapons of Mass Destruction Office.
Well, that tracks; the folks at the CWMDO tend to go for dark humor: Richardson tried to lighten the mood at FEMA with the following joke: “How many terrorists does it take to set off a dirty bomb? One, but he’s really got to be fanatical.” When the joke drew only quizzical looks, the new director muttered to himself, “That one always killed at the old office.”
That Mona Lisa strangeness in your smile: Kim Sajet, the director of the Smithsonian Institution’s National Portrait Gallery is defying President Trump’s attempts to fire her, after calling her a “highly partisan person” and a “strong supporter of DEI.” There’s question as to whether the president has authority to fire Sajet and others at the Smithsonian, because the institution is independent of the executive branch. Sajet is the first women to serve as director of the gallery.
And she’s cagey. Any time a Trump official comes to the gallery to escort her from the building, she quickly grabs an empty portrait frame, stands against a wall, holds the frame in front of her and blends in with other paintings of Great Nasty Women in U.S. History, right between Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Hillary Clinton.
Email Herald Opinion Editori Jon Bauer at jon.bauer@heraldnet.com. Follow him on BlueSky @jontbauer.bsky.social.
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