Many people pay a high price to be an unpaid caregiver

The AARP offers a five-step guide to better caregiving.

We talk about the joys of caregiving, but it can take an emotional and financial toll on even the most loving person.

In September, I fell and fractured my right foot in two places. For a few weeks I couldn’t do much for myself. It was torture lying there waiting for help. It was a preview of what it might be like should I need long term-care assistance.

This is the second of a two-part series on caregiving. I first looked at why your loved one may not be so receptive to your caregiving. In this installment, I’d like to address the issues caregivers face.

AARP conducted a study among family caregivers to determine their expenses. The report estimates that family caregivers spent an average of about $7,000 per year on out-of-pocket costs related to caregiving in 2016. Some caregivers spent much more — often at the expense of their own financial well being.

The report found that caregivers are spending nearly 20 percent of their income assisting those under their care.

Meanwhile, The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research study finds that 40 percent of Americans have experience in providing long-term care to an older family member or friend.

For the majority of caregivers with incomes of less than $50,000, this creates a significant financial burden. The survey found that 25 percent have reduced how much they save for their own retirement. Some borrowed to cover caregiving expenses.

There’s an AARP video every caregiver should watch. Search on YouTube for “Caregiving: Ad Council PSA — Silent Scream.” Watch the 32-second version, which captures overwhelmed caregivers silently screaming. It’s an acknowledgment that caregivers want to help but can still get frustrated. I tear up every time I watch the video. It ends with a link to aarp.org/caregiving. On the site you’ll find a link to a “Prepare to Care Guide.” Offered in several languages, it suggests five steps to better caregiving.

Talk it out. It can’t be said enough how important it is to have candid conversations before there’s a crisis that leads to a caregiving situation. And once you’re in it, be honest about your feelings.

There were times during my recovery that I felt I was a burden.

My eldest child, who is living at home while in graduate school, was very helpful. But each time she assisted me, I would apologize. I must have said, “I’m sorry,” a thousand times. Finally, my daughter asked me to stop it. It had become irritating to her that I was so apologetic. Yet, I knew she didn’t always want to be bothered. It showed on her face. Still, I had to learn that was OK.

If you’re a caregiver, be clear about your commitment to helping even if you become exasperated or exhausted.

Form a team. Many caregivers go it alone, and that’s going to lead to burnout. Just like those of us who need care should ask for help, as a caregiver you need to also seek assistance. If you can’t get it from family members, check for community resources. Call in support from your network of friends. Don’t be a martyr.

Put together a plan. Part of the strain of caring for someone is the failure to map out what you’ll need emotionally and financially. Only 54 percent of caregivers have a plan for who would provide care if they could no longer do it themselves, according to the AP-NORC poll.

Tap community resources. Check for local services by going to eldercare.gov. Check to see if your employee assistance program has a list of resources you can tap.

Create a caregiving plan for yourself. Almost a quarter of caregivers described their health as fair or poor, and a similar proportion report the same about their mental or emotional health, according to the AP-NORC Center. Nearly 6 in 10 caregivers who spend more than 10 hours a week providing care said it is difficult to make time for other things in their lives. They sacrifice time with their spouses, children and friends. They cut back on sleep, exercise or hobbies.

All the research shows it’s not a matter of if you’re going to be a caregiver but when.

Remember, you can’t be at your best if you neglect your own care.

— Washington Post Writers Group

Talk to us

More in Herald Business Journal

Members of Gravitics' team and U.S. Rep. Rick Larsen stand in front of a mockup of a space module interior on Thursday, August 17, 2023 at Gravitics' Marysville facility. Left to right: Mark Tiner, government affairs representative; Jiral Shah, business development; U.S. Rep. Rick Larsen; Mike DeRosa, marketing; Scott Macklin, lead engineer. (Gravitics.)
Marysville startup prepares for space — the financial frontier

Gravitics is building space station module prototypes to one day house space travelers and researchers.

Orca Mobility designer Mike Lowell, left, and CEO Bill Messing at their office on Wednesday, Aug. 16, 2023 in Granite Falls, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Could a Granite Falls startup’s three-wheeler revolutionize delivery?

Orca Mobility’s battery-powered, three-wheel truck is built on a motorcycle frame. Now, they aim to make it self-driving.

Catherine Robinweiler leads the class during a lab session at Edmonds College on April 29, 2021. (Kevin Clark / The Herald)
Grant aids apprenticeship program in Mukilteo and elsewhere

A $5.6 million U.S. Department of Labor grant will boost apprenticeships for special education teachers and nurses.

Peoples Bank is placing piggy banks with $30 around Washington starting Aug. 1.
(Peoples Bank)
Peoples Bank grant program seeks proposals from nonprofits

Peoples Bank offers up to $35,000 in Impact Grants aimed at helping communities. Applications due Sept. 15.

Workers build the first all-electric commuter plane, the Eviation Alice, at Eviation's plant on Wednesday, Sept. 8, 2021 in Arlington, Washington.  (Andy Bronson / The Herald)
Arlington’s Eviation selects Seattle firm to configure production plane

TLG Aerospace chosen to configure Eviation Aircraft’s all-electric commuter plane for mass production.

Jim Simpson leans on Blue Ray III, one of his designs, in his shop on Friday, August 25, 2023, in Clinton, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Whidbey Island master mechanic building dream car from “Speed Racer”

Jim Simpson, 68, of Clinton, is using his knowledge of sports cars to assemble his own Mach Five.

Inside the new Boeing 737 simulator at Simulation Flight in Mukilteo, Washington on Wednesday, Sept. 20, 2023. (Annie Barker / The Herald)
New Boeing 737 simulator takes ‘flight’ in Mukilteo

Pilots can test their flying skills or up their game at Simulation Flight in Mukilteo.

An Amazon worker transfers and organizes items at the new PAE2 Amazon Fulfillment Center on Thursday, Sept. 14, 2023, in Arlington, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Amazon cuts ribbon on colossal $355M fulfillment center in Arlington

At 2.8 million square feet, the facility is the largest of its kind in Washington. It can hold 40 million “units” of inventory.

A computer rendering of the North Creek Commerce Center industrial park in development at 18712 Bothell-Everett Highway. (Kidder Mathews)
Developer breaks ground on new Bothell industrial park

The North Creek Commerce Center on Bothell Everett Highway will provide warehouse and office space in three buildings.

Dan Bates / The Herald
Funko president, Brian Mariotti is excited about the growth that has led his company to need a 62,000 square foot facility in Lynnwood.
Photo Taken: 102312
Former Funko CEO resigns from the Everett company

Brian Mariotti resigned Sept. 1, six weeks after announcing he was taking a six-month sabbatical from the company.

Cash is used for a purchase at Molly Moon's Ice Cream in Edmonds, Washington on Wednesday, Aug. 30, 2023. (Annie Barker / The Herald)
Paper or plastic? Snohomish County may require businesses to take cash

County Council member Nate Nehring proposed an ordinance to ban cashless sales under $200. He hopes cities will follow suit.

A crowd begins to form before a large reception for the opening of Fisherman Jack’s at the Port of Everett on Wednesday, August 30, 2023, in Everett, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Seafood with a view: Fisherman Jack’s opens at Port of Everett

“The port is booming!” The new restaurant is the first to open on “restaurant row” at the port’s Waterfront Place.