My close friend Jane has irritable bowel syndrome, which causes her periodic painful cramps, constipation or diarrhea. When it flares up, it’s very uncomfortable. According to the National Institute of Health, IBS occurs in about 12% of adults. It’s one of several chronic health conditions that can cause us discomfort.
I have arthritis in my shoulders and feet, and I regularly have pain from both. Arthritis affects about 58.5 million adults in the United States. Lower back pain is another chronic problem, one of the most common reasons why people go see their doctor or miss work. According to the CDC, 39% of adults had back pain in a 2019 survey.
So, as you can see, a lot of us struggle with conditions which can cause chronic or episodic physical discomfort.
Coping with physical discomfort, which can be mild, moderate or severe, is challenging for many of us as we age. Our bodies are meant to live more physical lives than many of us do. Sitting in office chairs in front of screens many hours a week can result in weight gain, poor posture and back pain. Living in our bodies isn’t always easy.
Jane had a bad flare-up of her IBS and had to cancel a long anticipated cross-country ski trip. She’s angry, frustrated and feels terribly down about missing out on her trip. Sometimes my shoulder arthritis can interrupt a good night’s rest. Bill’s lower back pain kept him from snowshoeing, which he loves. He also had to miss a few days of work.
So how do we cope with discomfort when it comes our way?
Adopt an attitude of acceptance. There are a variety of conditions for which there are no magic cures. There is no magic pill or potion that will cure my arthritis. I focus on making myself more comfortable rather than being angry that my shoulders or feet hurt. Sure, I’m not happy about my arthritis, but I accept that it is simply one part of my life.
When we’re angry or frustrated about our discomfort or its impact on our life, we’re likely to be more miserable. We already have the challenging physical sensations associated with our chronic condition, coupled with our strong negative reaction to those sensations. The result is a high degree of distress. An attitude of acceptance helps us have more ease about our discomfort.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is not. Pain is a physical sensation that we all have from time to time. Sometimes it signals that we shouldn’t do something or that something is wrong in our body. Other times, it may be background noise. Wishing that we didn’t have discomfort or comparing the way I feel today with the way I would like to feel causes suffering.
I hear this a lot from my patients with painful chronic health conditions. They “hate” how they feel today and yearn to return to the “good old days” when all was well. Sometimes all they can think about is what they’re missing. It’s hard to get out of this rabbit hole once we fall into that train of thinking.
Those of us with chronic pain are bound to feel sorry for ourselves from time to time. But a friend once told me, “It’s fine to visit pity city every once in a while, but don’t buy a house there!”
Cognitive-behavioral therapycan help adults with chronic pain develop a healthier relationship with their physical discomfort and learn how to cope better. Mindfulness-based stress reduction can also help us learn how to handle chronic discomfort.
Talk to your primary care provider about how to access some of these helpful approaches to better cope with chronic discomfort.
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.
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