“Children should be seen and not heard.”
That’s a saying we are all familiar with, even though most people would agree it doesn’t apply anymore. But if we look back in our cultural past, it’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment in time when this stopped being accepted as truth.
Our transformed behavioral expectations for children are especially obvious if you look inside Protestant churches. Today is Easter Sunday. Where are the children? Are they sitting next to Mom and Dad for a portion or perhaps all of the service? Or are they carefully shepherded to the Sunday school wing?
If you are a baby boomer your childhood memories of church might include your mother pacifying you with a roll of Lifesavers. But you might also remember other things too, like how beautifully the choir sang, or one tiny bit of the minister’s sermon that sank in.
Or, perhaps your recollections include pure misery. You were bored! Old people talked forever. All you wanted to do was change into play clothes and be free. You sat there in the uncomfortable pew and thought: “When I grow up, I’ll never go to church again.”
I can understand the rational behind Sunday school programs in all their glittery, glue-sticking, storytelling glory. “Kids should be with other kids so they want to come to church. Make church fun!” The path to modern Sunday school is paved with good intentions and quite a few cardboard crosses. There is definitely a case to be made for age appropriate lesson plans.
However, my understanding is that Protestant and Catholic churches involve children differently. Instead of separate child-centered classes, Catholics are more likely to participate in family-centered worship with children present for Mass. The homily can be shorter than a sermon which is easier on little ears. There is often a cry room for kids who need it. Separate youth programs sometimes happen on weeknights so that the multigenerational aspect of Mass is preserved.
No matter what religion you are or aren’t, the question of what behavior we expect from children influences all parts of our society. That family sitting next to you at a restaurant, the mother and toddler in line at the bank; how long should you realistically expect those kids to be quiet?
Fifteen years ago when I was earning my teaching certificate I learned that that the rule of thumb went by age. A 5-year-old could sit on the carpet and listen for five minutes. A 10-year-old was capable of absorbing a 10-minute lecture. But nowadays there is greater awareness about the developmental reality of children. MRI scans show that when kids fidget their brains are still paying attention. A child at rest might actually mean a brain at rest.
So I’m an advocate of high expectations for everyone. Adults should be more understanding of children who work so hard to maintain control, and children should learn that some experiences deserve reverence — at least for a little while.
Jennifer Bardsley is an Edmonds mom of two. Find her on Twitter @jennbardsley and at www.heraldnet.com/ibrakeformoms and teachingmybabytoread.com.
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