Irene Connors has felt the hollow sadness of loss. Her husband of 47 years, Roy, died in 1997. He had emphysema and had been ill for a couple of years.
Then in 1999, one of Connors’ four children was diagnosed with cancer. He died in 2000.
The deep ache of grief felt by many after the death of a loved one is only compounded at this time of year when everyone else seems to be jolly and festive. It is a painful and lonely time for many people who feel the blanket of grief weigh heavily upon them all over again as Christmas rolls around.
On Sunday, Connors, 77, will participate in a Blue Christmas service at Stanwood United Methodist Church, designed for those who may have lost a loved one or faced a recent difficult event or circumstance in their lives.
"There just isn’t anywhere else you could walk in and feel sad," Connors said. "You can shed a tear."
During this season of supposed merriment and warm family get-togethers, Blue Christmas, Longest Night, or Hard to Be Merry services serve as an acknowledgment, in a comfortable environment, to people in pain. Many churches across the country are offering the services to people who need to affirm their thoughts of loss and sadness and remember their loved ones.
"It’s held on the longest night of the year," Connors said. "That’s the darkest."
This will be the third Blue Christmas service that Connors has attended led by Pastor John J. Shaffer.
Shaffer brought the idea with him to Stanwood from his previous post in Spokane. He believes that for many people it is hard to be merry at Christmas.
"It’s OK not to feel real jovial at this time of the year," Shaffer said. "It’s OK."
This is also a time for people who feel joyous to be supportive of others. You don’t have to be sad to join this service, Shaffer said.
The services, which were started in Canada by the Whole People of God, include candle lighting, reflection, prayer and song.
Hymns such as "In the Bleak Mid Winter" are more common during Blue Christmas services than others. "We will never sing, ‘Joy to the World,’ " Shaffer said.
Jessie Daly of Stanwood had never heard of Blue Christmas until Shaffer introduced it to the church.
"It has a very calming effect for me," Daly said. "I think it’s a wonderful time of remembrance."
Daly’s husband died a couple of years ago. She then felt the pain of losing her son-in-law.
The Blue Christmas service is a very thoughtful time for Daly, who feels comforted by the idea. She appreciates being in an environment where she is encouraged to reflect on her feelings.
"At certain times it comes back to you," Daly said. "That’s what’s so wonderful about memories."
Many people who experience loss may feel that God has abandoned them or that he cannot be found during their times of grief. Shaffer gives witness to those gathered that God is present, even if he seems to be silent, the pastor said.
Connors always felt that God was with her during her most difficult times of loss. She believes that whoever has died has gone on to a better place. Blue Christmas services give her an opportunity to reflect on her loved ones’ lives and participate in a service that acknowledges her sadness.
Shaffer’s reading "gives us time for thought," Connors said. "He has a lament in there that just speaks to your heart."
Perhaps the most powerful part of the service is when individuals light a candle or say something about their loss.
"Blue Christmas is uplifting," Connors said. "And when we light the candles it’s like lighting a pathway."
Those attending the service don’t have to speak if they don’t want to. "Explaining is a chance to share one’s journey," Shaffer said, "if desired."
Reporter Christina Harper: 425-339-3491 or harper@heraldnet.com.
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
