If you’re thinking about watching the new ABC sitcom “Hot Properties,” you don’t really need me to give you much direction.
Just ask one of the lead characters, real estate agent Ava Summerlin.
“Those jokes are getting old,” she says just a few minutes into the premiere, which airs at 9:30 p.m. Friday on KOMO-TV, Channel 4.
OK, maybe she isn’t really talking about the show.
But while we’re at it, let’s go ahead and attribute the sentiment to “Freddie,” another new ABC sitcom that starts at 8:30 p.m. Wednesday.
ABC is still riding the wave of success from its hourlong hits such as “Desperate Housewives,” “Lost,” “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Boston Legal.”
You’d think a half-hour show would be half as difficult to make. But ABC makes it seem twice as hard and doesn’t have a single sitcom on its schedule that can make me laugh – even a little bit.
That won’t change with the introduction of “Hot Properties,” which seeks desperately to become a network-worthy version of “Sex and the City” but it’s just watered down. And not funny.
Set in a high-end real estate office in New York, the show focuses on four women with seemingly random but carefully orchestrated love lives.
The owner of the business, Summerlin, is a 40-something hottie who lies about her age and recently married a 25-year-old man.
Chloe Reid, played by Nicole Sullivan of “The King of Queens,” is an agent who’s desperate to get married and can’t find a guy. She can’t even get a guy to remember having gone out with her.
Isn’t that funny?
Introducing diversity, in this case, means bringing on hot Latina actress Sofia Vergara from various Spanish-language shows to make her English television debut as Lola Hernandez. Lola is recently divorced after being married for 10 years to a man who was gay.
Stop, stop. You’re killin’ me.
Finally, the assistant we’ll be introduced to in the premiere is a virgin whose pending marriage fizzled for reasons you’ll find out Friday night, if you dare.
Then there’s the title of the show.
Do you get it?
You see, “Hot Properties” is a whole double-meaning thing. They say that real estate properties that sell quickly are “hot properties,” but the name of the show implies that the women, themselves, are “Hot Properties.”
“Freddie” didn’t go for clever in the title, or anywhere else for that matter.
Freddie Prinze Jr. stars as a Chicago chef named Freddie Moreno whose grandmother, sister, niece and sister-in-law move into his apartment after various crises in their lives.
Oh, and the goofy friend. There’s got to be a goofy friend. And this time it’s Brian Austin Green of “Beverly Hills 90210,” just as goofy as ever as Moreno’s best friend, Chris, who lives across the hall in a fantastic apartment even though he has no job.
Seriously, this guy makes Willie Aames’ Buddy Lembeck from “Charles in Charge” look like a Harvard valedictorian.
And, speaking of smarts, what’s with making us read?
Moreno’s grandmother, played by Jenny Gago from the movie, “Coach Carter,” understands English but only speaks Spanish and there are subtitles every time she speaks.
The sad thing is that she has some of the better lines on the show, but the subtitles make for a clumsy obstacle on the road to any mild chuckles.
That leaves virtually no good reason to watch this show, and there are certainly better options at 8:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Even if you aren’t watching “America’s Next Top Model” on UPN or “E-Ring” on NBC, there’s a rerun of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” you can catch on the Game Show Network.
Don’t worry if you’ve seen it and already know all the answers. It’s not much different from watching “Freddie,” where you already know all the punch lines.
Victor Balta’s column runs Mondays and Thursdays on the A&E page. Reach him at 425-339-3455 or vbalta@heraldnet.com.
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