I was always excited about each new school year. I hoped to make new friends, get good teachers and learn new stuff. And by summer’s end, I was ready for the structure, predictability and consistency that school provides. So are most of our kids — maybe with the exception of teens who want summer to never end.
Every new school year promises a fresh start. So, how can parents help their children start the new school year on the right foot?
Consider last year’s experience
What about last year? Which subjects did Sam do well in? What were Joe’s struggles? How did Sara get along with her peers? How did you manage Sally’s homework challenges? What strategies worked well, and which ones did you ditch? As parents, what did you learn about your youngster from his experience in the previous grade?
Reflecting on last year helps you plan ahead for the coming year. What problems are likely to rear their ugly heads? If Joey had trouble getting up on time last year, it’s not likely he’s going to become a morning person this year. If Sara had difficulty buckling down to do her homework in eighth grade, expect a repeat for ninth grade. Most of the problems from the year before don’t disappear in the next grade. Sometimes their glitches grow in size as they get bigger.
Establish goals for the coming year
Start the new school year with an all-hands-on-deck family meeting. Ask your kids, what are your goals for this new year? What do you hope to accomplish? What do you imagine will be your challenges?
Children are the ultimate optimists. Don’t listen to their pleas that everything will be different this year. The road to misery is paved with good intentions.
Establish two or three goals that you would like your youngster to address this fall. Getting up on time, going to sleep earlier (lack of sleep is a HUGE problem for teenagers), a set homework time, a place to do homework, guidelines about cell phone use, computer games and television, regular reading times, after-school activities, curfew on weekends, weekday bedtimes, etc.
Develop an action plan
Be specific, focus on behaviors and establish limits. How will Joey get to school on time? When and where will Sally start her homework? How much screen time? Establish a plan to help your youngster achieve their goals.
Plan ahead
It’s always better to think about how to solve problems before they happen. For example, in middle school you can bet your kiddo is going to have social challenges — friends come and go like the Washington weather. Prepare your child for this experience so that when it happens it won’t be so unexpected. Consider how to create social opportunities for children that may be shy.
Review goals and expectations frequently
Revisit your goals, expectations and action plan frequently at the beginning of the school year. You will need to make adjustments as your child encounters both old and new challenges. It’s always better to be in front of problems. Once a student gets too far off track, it’s more difficult to get back on task.
Less is more
School can be demanding for kids, especially when the bar goes up in the 3rd, 7th, 9th, and 11th grades. While we want well-rounded children, we don’t want them worn down with too many activities and involvements. And, if you’re running around all creation to bring them here, there and everywhere, you’ll be stressed out too. Stressed parents and kids are a recipe for unhappiness on the home front. So be realistic about how much you and your student can manage.
And finally, remember what’s important.
Education should encourage curiosity and joy of learning — not just performance. Help your youngster develop a healthy attitude towards learning rather than simply rewarding performance.
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.
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