Jill, 85, lived through the pandemic with the sole companionship of her beloved dog, Casey, and cat, Sarah. These were long, hard years. Jill had several chronic health problems, which made her more at risk for getting COVID-19, so she was especially careful and particularly isolated. Her dog had been by her side for 15 years — first as a pup and then as an elderly dog with his own health concerns. Indeed, they took care of each other.
Casey died a few weeks ago after becoming increasingly frail. Finally, he couldn’t move on his own, and Jill had the vet come to her house to bring his life to an end. She held him in her arms as he passed away. Jill was grief-stricken over the loss of her four-legged friend. She couldn’t imagine how she would manage without his companionship.
Jim’s elderly dog, Jane, died a month ago. He provided home hospice care for her, cleaned up after her as she became incontinent, and gave her medicine. Finally, Jim had to let Jane go. And he feels a pit in his stomach when he thinks about her.
My wife still talks about our first cat, Demelza, that adopted us when we were first married. She looks at pictures of her from time to time and recalls her warm ways. She showed up on our doorstep after her owner abandoned her when he moved to Florida. She lived with us for seven years before she died of cancer.
Around 38% of U.S. households are estimated to have one or more dogs. And nearly 40 million households in the United States have pet cats. The average lifespan of indoor cats is 10-13 years but can also vary by breed — my friend Sally’s cat lived to a ripe old age of 20.
So, all of us that take care of dogs and cats have experienced the loss of our beloved pets. We know that over the course of our lives, we will experience several or more of these losses. I know it’s particularly hard for kids when they lose their dog or cat. But, let’s be honest: It’s hard for adults, too.
So how can we cope with these intermittent losses when our pets come to the end of their short lives?
Acknowledge the depth of your feelings. Although we know that our animals will come to the end of their lives after 10-15 years, that knowledge doesn’t make it easier when it happens. Often, we’re unprepared for the feelings of grief we experience. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. The loss of a pet can be very distressing.
Create a ritual. For our two-legged friends and family, we mark the end of their lives with a gathering — a funeral, a celebration of life or a memorial service. Family and friends come together to acknowledge the connection they had with their loved ones. These rituals, whether homegrown or officiated by clergy, put a period at the end of a sentence. They enable us to express our grief in a way that brings healing.
We can do the same for our four-legged friends. We can gather our close friends and family and remember our pet’s ways and the role that they played in our lives. We can connect with our shared sense of loss. We can acknowledge together the important role that companion animals can play in our lives.
Give yourself time. When a relationship ends, it’s not always a good idea to jump into a new relationship as a way of healing from a loss. Give yourself time to grieve before you bring home a new pet.
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
