For anyone whose degree of Bart worship has reached Comic Book Guy levels, the prospect of “The Simpsons Movie” is more tempting than Homer’s soul doughnut and the gummy Venus de Milo combined – and that’s not just a load of rich creamery butter.
Did the last sentence make any sense to you? If so, then you’re probably one of the loyal fans who will dutifully line up for the movie on Friday – and probably not one of the people who gave up on the series more than a decade ago, when the quality arguably started to decline.
“The Simpsons,” on the air since 1989, was once great enough to be named by Time magazine as the 20th century’s best TV series. But if you were to create a list of the best television programs so far in the 21st century, even the most supportive critic would have to stretch to include Ralph Wiggum and Apu in the top 10.
The buzz surrounding “The Simpsons Movie” has been huge, considering that it’s an 18-year-old show that can’t even beat “Two and a Half Men” in the Nielsen ratings.
And there’s good reason to believe that optimism might be rewarded. Many creative forces have combined on “The Simpsons Movie” screenwriting team. The most prolific director in the series’ history, David Silverman, is at the helm. Everything about the process of making this film indicates that the producers took the time to do it right.
None of which really matters, if you’re the type of person who can’t go for a midnight snack without saying “Mmmmm. Sixty-four slices of American cheese … “
Below is a quiz that will accurately measure your “Simpsons” fandom, and then break it down into quantifiable terms. Have you somehow managed to absorb nothing from an iconic show that’s been on TV since the year the Berlin Wall came down? Or do you need clinical help for your “Simpsons” addiction? Take the quiz, add up your score and find out.
THE QUIZ
PART I
1. Snowball II is the name of a _____?
A. Space shuttle
B. Go-kart
C. Sports drink
D. Cat
2. The secret ingredient in a Flaming Moe is _____?
A. Lighter fluid
B. Plutonium
C. Cough syrup
D. The tears of an innocent child
3. Which celebrity has not appeared as a voice on “The Simpsons”?
A. Elizabeth Taylor
B. Barry Bonds
C. Michael Jackson
D. Meryl Streep
4. “The Simpsons” just finished its 18th season. Which one of the following shows was on the air longer?
A. “Gunsmoke”
B. “Bonanza”
C. “Happy Days”
D. “M*A*S*H”
5. Who made the following statement: “We’re going to strengthen the American family to make them more like ‘The Waltons’ and less like ‘The Simpsons’ “?
A. Ronald Reagan
B. Pat Robertson
C. Tipper Gore
D. George H.W. Bush
6. Which “The Simpsons” character is not voiced by Hank Azaria?
A. Apu
B. Moe
C. Ralph
D. Chief Wiggum
7. “The Simpsons” holds the record for most episodes by an American animated show. Which show is in second place?
A. “Scooby-Doo”
B. “The Flintstones”
C. “South Park”
D. “The Smurfs”
8. Which of the following actors has appeared as a guest voice in the most episodes?
A. Kelsey Grammer
B. Albert Brooks
C. Jon Lovitz
D. Joe Mantegna
9. In the episode “Rosebud,” what was the name of Montgomery Burns’ beloved bear?
A. Teddy
B. Bobo
C. Rosebud
D. Mr. Bear
10. Who shot Mr. Burns?
A. Homer Simpson
B. Smithers
C. Maggie Simpson
D. J.R. Ewing
PART 1 ANSWERS
(each correct answer worth 5 points):
PART II
1. 7-Eleven stores recently converted a few stores into Kwik-E-Marts, and have been selling Krusty-O’s cereal, Buzz Cola and Nuclear Man comic books at all stores. Which answer best fits you:
I haven’t bought any Simpsons-related products. (0 points)
I bought Simpsons-related products from the 7-Eleven near my home. (10 points)
I bought Simpsons products from a converted Kwik-E-Mart. (25 points)
I’m boycotting 7-Eleven because the promo doesn’t include Duff beer. (100 points)
2. Do you own any Simpsons theme music?
No. (0 points)
Yes, it’s in my music collection. (10 points)
Yes, it’s on my iPod. (add 10 more points)
Yes, it was our wedding song. (add 100 points)
3. About how many times have you said “D’oh” in your lifetime?
Never. (0 points)
1-100 times. (5 points)
100-1,000 times. (10 points)
More than 1,000 times. (15 points)
4. Have you ever dressed up as a “Simpsons” character for Halloween?
No. (0 points)
Yes. (15 points)
5. Have you ever dressed up as a “Simpsons” character when it’s not Halloween?
No. (0 points)
Yes. (25 points)
6. Are you dressed up as a “Simpsons” character right now?
No. (0 points)
Yes. (100 points)
7. I am the proud owner of _____.
No memorabilia related to “The Simpsons.” (0 points)
An autograph from one of the “Simpsons” voice actors. (20 points)
A photo taken with one of the “Simpsons” voice actors. (25 points)
A restraining order filed by one of the “Simpsons” voice actors. (250 points)
8. How many new episodes of “The Simpsons” did you watch during last year’s 18th season?
None. (0 points)
Between 1 and 10 episodes. (5 points)
More than 10 episodes. (15 points)
All of them. (25 points)
9. Which of the following devices have you used to aid your “Simpsons” watching?
A videocassette recorder. (5 points)
A TiVo or other DVR. (10 points)
Someone else’s VCR or TiVo. (15 points)
A satellite dish, to get the East Coast feed three hours early. (20 points)
10. In question No. 1, we intentionally made a mistake, calling Radioactive Man comic “Nuclear Man.” Which best fits your response:
I didn’t even notice. (0 points)
I noticed the mistake, but didn’t think much of it. (10 points)
I noticed the mistake, and planned to write an angry letter. (25 points)
I’ve already canceled my subscription to the newspaper. (100 points)
SCORING
Add your Part I tally to the points you got in Part II to figure your score.
0 to 25 points: Do you even own a television? Because if you just answered “B” to every question and pronounced the word for a female deer once in your life you would have scored 20. Seriously, it’s a pretty funny show. Watch a few episodes.
25 to 75 points: Congratulations. At the very least you have a basic knowledge of popular culture, and you may even be eating a bowl of Krusty-O’s right now. (“Flesh-eating bacteria in every box!”) You might not be in line on opening day, but you’ll check it out as a rental.
75 to 250 points: You’re a big fan who will almost certainly check the movie out this weekend. You’re probably also a huge “The Simpsons” apologist, but it could be worse. You could be one of those people who still say “E.R.” is good. Enjoy the movie.
250 or more: Seriously, you’re scaring us. Even Comic Book Guy has more than one hobby. Write “It’s just a TV show” on the blackboard 1,000 times and try to explore other parts of your personality.
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