I recently saw the remake of “A Star Is Born.” It’s a well-done film. I had no idea that Lady Gaga (Ally) had such a beautiful voice. Ally’s rise to stardom, based on good fortune and amazing talent, was heartwarming. But Jackson’s story is sad, painful and all too familiar. It’s the story of alcoholism and drug addiction and the rising suicide rate among middle-aged adults. It’s a tragedy that touches us all— directly or indirectly.

Statistics only show us the view from 30,000 feet. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), 49,000 people died by suicide in 2022, which is one person every 11 minutes. Men make up 50% of the population, but 80% of the suicides. Forty percent of the suicides are adults between 45 and 64. ¹According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there are over three million annual deaths due to alcohol and drug use.²

But on the ground level, it’s the individual stories that many of us know. It’s not just famous musicians who come to a tragic end through their drug and alcohol addiction. In graduate school, my good friend and professor was an alcoholic, although I didn’t realize it at the time. He was generous, kind, and creative. He took many of his students out to dinner when we didn’t have enough money to go out ourselves. When our confidence was low, he encouraged us and called us his “Doctor babies.” I didn’t notice that he drank large amounts of wine at those dinners. Like many alcoholics, he didn’t often appear drunk despite consuming a massive amount of alcohol. And like Jackson, Andy’s drinking cost him his job and his partner. Andy was one of my shining stars that was extinguished by alcoholism.

My brother, Joe, was another rising star who was brought down by drugs and alcohol, but in a dramatically different way. At the tender age of 32, a young man in his prime, he was out jogging on a rainy winter evening in Oregon. He was killed instantly by a hit-and-run driver who was drunk at the wheel. When I saw his body at the funeral, I felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. My children never got to meet him, and my grandchildren will never know him.

I am no different than other survivors, family members, and friends of shining individuals who were snuffed out by drugs and alcohol. As a psychologist, I see a steady stream of survivors in my office. I know their pain. I share their story.

I am a big supporter of a self-help program based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Through the fellowship of others and working through the self-discovery of the steps, family and friends of alcoholics can find comfort and healing. They can learn how to live with the pain of loss.

As in the movie, tragedy and triumph often appear together in life. Good fortune, inspiration, and hope can come from unexpected sources.

But tragedy also teaches us important lessons. Life is fragile. Tragedy teaches us to savor the good moments in life, appreciate our loved ones, and live the moment. Both triumph and tragedy remind us of the common ground that we share with all human beings—our vulnerability, our possibility, and our potential for being who we hope to be.

Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at Optum Care Washington, formerly The Everett Clinic.

¹www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html

²www.who.int/news/item/25-06-2024.html