The recent bout of snowy weather made my family feel all of the emotions. Here’s our day-by-day recap as we slowly turned feral.
Day 0
Mom [reading weather report in newspaper]: “Well, I better run to the grocery store to stock up on the essentials.”
Kid [glaring at half-finished homework]: “Alexa, what’s the weather going to be tomorrow?”
Amazon Echo: “Here’s the forecast for tomorrow. Look for snow flurries with a high of 37 and a low of 28.”
Mom: “Is your homework done yet?”
Kid [throwing down pencil]: “Yup.”
Day 1
Mom [still in bathrobe at 10 a.m.]: “I may not be dressed yet, but I’ve gotten so much done today. All the bills are paid and I’m caught up on my email.”
Kid [stomping through kitchen wearing ski clothes]: “Nobody touch my snowball. I’m putting it in the freezer.”
Teen: “Why would I want your snowball?”
Dad: “Can you keep it down? I’m on a conference call for work.”
Teen: “Let’s go build a snowman.”
Kid: “OK, but my gloves have dog poop on them.”
Mom [staring at gloves on kitchen table]: “What?”
Day 2
Mom [standing at sliding glass door and arguing with poodle]: “Come on, Merlin, you can do it. Go outside and do your business. The snow won’t hurt you.”
Kid: “The air filter in my room turned onto the red setting. That’s bad, right?”
Mom [gently shoving poodle outside]: “I think it’s because someone in the neighborhood is burning wet wood.”
Teen [hollering from upstairs]: “Mom! Merlin peed in my room again.”
Mom [grimacing]: “Of course he did.”
Day 3
Mom [looking at perfectly clear driveway]: “I can’t believe they canceled school today. Wouldn’t it have been better to do a delayed start?”
Teen: “I don’t know, but good news: My math test has been canceled. Now all I have to do is take the final.”
Mom: “How is that good news? How can you study for the final if you can’t go to school?”
Teen: “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”
Dad [arriving home from work]: “They said on the radio that there’s another winter storm alert, so I came home early. Where’s the kid?”
Mom: “I have no idea.”
Dad [laughing]: “Great parenting.”
Kid [coming through front door wearing a swimsuit and snow boots]: “The neighbor’s hot tub is awesome.”
Mom: “Shut the door. It smells like a campfire out there.”
Day 4
Mom: “Hallelujah, it’s a delayed start.”
Teen [assembling breakfast smoothie]: “Why can’t school start at 9:20 every day? This makes so much sense.”
Dad: “And now you won’t have another snow day to make up.”
Teen [rolling eyes]: “ A snow day in winter is worth 1.5 vacation days in summer.”
Kid: “Yeah. All we do during make-up days is watch movies and clean out our desks.” [Opens freezer] “Which one of you animals took my snowball?”
Teen [slurping smoothie]: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jennifer Bardsley publishes books under her own name and the pseudonym Louise Cypress. Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, on Twitter @jennbardsley or on Facebook as The YA Gal. Email her at teachingmybabytoread@gmail.com.
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