Getting older has been an interesting journey, especially as I’ve hit 70. I don’t feel “old,” but I have noticed some interesting mental, physical and spiritual changes.
I’m fortunate that I’ve been blessed with good energy, reasonably good health and a high degree of wellbeing for most of my adult life. I’m doubly fortunate that I don’t have to worry about finances, my children and grandchildren are healthy, and that I live in the great beauty of the Pacific Northwest. I’m sure that I’m not representative of all older adults.
But I do have a few observations that most of us old folks share.
It takes a long life to develop wisdom. It takes time on this planet to develop a “big mind” — one that can look at life’s ups and downs with grace and poise. It takes many mistakes, missteps, errors in judgment, big challenges, as well as some successes to discover who we are, who we have always been, and who we can become. When I was younger, like most folks, I was caught up in the day-to-day to-dos of work, parenting, marriage and family. It was hard to see myself and others clearly. I had to live through all those dramas to develop a larger perspective on life. There’s no short cut to grow into oneself.
Be a student of your life. Learning, growing, maturing and coming into yourself requires that you study your own life — that you learn from every year of your life through reflection, contemplation and self-examination. It also requires that you listen to what other people have to say about you. Sure, we all make the same mistake more than once. But eventually, even those of us who are stubborn as rocks can figure it out.
Accept the inevitable changes of older age. Wrinkles, sagging skin, declines in energy, focus, strength, endurance and waning short-term memory are certain. Looking old isn’t an insult! It comes from living a long life in our body. It’s also influenced by health habits and genetics. If we’re lucky, we’re all going to look old because we got old.
Be generous with yourself. Yeah, it’s frustrating to forget where I put my keys, my glasses, the book I’m reading and my wallet. It’s annoying to drop things, knock over stuff or stumble on an uneven sidewalk. I never used to be so clumsy. I don’t like that I must write everything down on my to-do list because otherwise I’ll forget. When I look in the mirror, I think to myself — “That guy looks just like me, but way older.” I wish I wasn’t losing my hair. It’s helpful to cut yourself some slack.
Be generous with others. Slowly, very slowly, I’m becoming more patient with others — my kids, my wife, my family and my friends. I’m even becoming more patient with myself. I’m amazingly patient with my grandchildren — I don’t care how long they take to get out of the house. They can take as long as they like. I cherish every minute with them.
Prepare for old age. B.F. Skinner, the father of behaviorism, wrote a book in his 80s: “Enjoying old age: A Practical Guide.” He said that the biggest problem of growing older was lack of preparation. Think ahead, be proactive rather than reactive. Make changes before there’s a crisis.
Adopt healthy habits when you’re young. My father loved to say that youth is wasted on the young. I hated when he would recite that mantra. But now I get it.
Don’t wait until tomorrow to cultivate good health habits — do it today. You’ll need better health when you grow older.
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.
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