I stand in the hair products section of the grocery store with a big smile on my face. There is a major stock-up sale happening on shampoo and conditioner.
“Sweet!” I pull out my phone and swipe open the coupon app. “I bet I can find some matches.” Sure enough, like a gambler hitting the slot machine just right, I’ve scored. The coupons match up to the sales and will save me a ton of money. I tap on the digital coupons to load them to my membership card.
If I buy eight bottles of Herbal Essence, and five bottles of Pantene, plus six bottles of Head and Shoulders — I can get all of them for $1 each. I mix and match the varieties to be extra fancy. “That’ll be enough shampoo to last us all year,” I gush.
The man standing next to me gives me a funny look. “Are you talking to me?” he asks.
“No, sir.” I turn beet red. “Sorry.” I throw the bottles in the cart and roll away, feeling a shopper’s high.
When I get home, I cram all of the bottles underneath my bathroom sink …. where my daughter finds them later that afternoon.
“Yay!” she cheers. “Mom bought shampoo!” Then she brings not one, not two, not three, but six bottles into the shower, one set of each brand. She washes her hair three times and leaves the bathroom smelling like a salon.
“Thank you, Mom!” My 9-year-old daughter throws her arms around me and gives me a big hug, while I’m cooking dinner. “We finally have shampoo.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “We’ve always had shampoo.”
“But this is new,” she says with a gleam in her eye.
After dinner my husband takes a shower. “Yikes!” he exclaims, “where did all of this shampoo come from?” Not only are there six brand new bottles, but there also are the original bottle of shampoo and conditioner, two types of body wash and a salt scrub. “One, two, three, four,” he counts the line up, “there are 11 bottles in here? What the heck?”
Our tiny, prefab shower is bursting with hair products.
“Hun?” my husband asks me when he comes downstairs a few minutes later, “why does it look like a barbershop exploded in our bathroom?”
I quickly explain my couponing brilliance. “Which reminds me,” I say, looking at my teenage son, “have you taken a shower yet?”
“Ugh,” my 13-year-old grumbles. He turns off his phone and marches upstairs to his doom. There, in the shower, is every choice of shampoo imaginable. It’s difficult to turn around without knocking something down. There are options for extra volume, added shine, split ends and dandruff. He could choose any type of shampoo he wants.
Instead, he reaches for the body wash and squirts it over his head. “It’s so crowded in here,” he mutters to himself, “I should have taken a bath.”
Jennifer Bardsley is author of the books “Genesis Girl” and “Damaged Goods.” Find her online on Instagram @the_ya_gal, on Twitter @jennbardsley or on Facebook as The YA Gal.
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