It’s been a beautiful summer in the Pacific Northwest. The days are long, warm and almost every afternoon has been sun-kissed. After work, while the sun is still high, I enjoy walking around Green Lake in Seattle with the parade of after-dinner walkers. Kids are still splashing around in the water and there are battalions of stand-up boards paddling across the lake.
On those walks, I enjoy the diversity of our community. But I also notice how similar we all are to each other, too. We all have most of the same equipment — heads, legs and hands. Feet that can, in most cases, propel us around the lake. We all feel the same breeze across the water — cool and comforting. We have the same structures — our brains, organs, skin and nerves. There are minor individual differences in this infrastructure, but it is basically the same.
We were all born and we will all die. We must eat, drink, eliminate wastes and breathe. It’s a truism: We are all more similar than different.
Yes, there are differences as well. We all look a little different — some are short like me and others are tall. While there are many variations of faces, there again, the basic structure is very similar.
Looking deeper, don’t we all wish to have happiness and the causes of happiness? Don’t we all hope to avoid pain and hurt? Don’t we all aspire to have a peaceful life? Most of us want companionship and love, meaningful work or activity, basic comfort, and security. In these fundamental ways, we are so alike.
Despite the vastness of our similarities and the breadth of our mutual desires and needs, it is easy to focus on our differences — in beliefs, life experience, aspirations, habits or personality. Today there is so much emphasis on how we diverge, whether they be political views, religious practices or philosophy of life. These distinctions can have a way of creating the false view that there is an “us” and “them” that is everywhere. It can cause us to forget that we are one species.
So how can we promote a greater sense that there is only “us” and “us” in ourselves, our families and our community? How can we learn to appreciate and respect each other?
Seek to understand others rather than to be understood. Of course, we want others to understand our point of view. But if we all seek to understand each other better, we will all feel more understood. This requires stepping back — and listening. Start with your friends, family, neighbors and your co-workers. Then try to understand people from other lands and origins.
Our views and personality often derive from our life experience. Some of us are raised in loving environments and some are not. Some of us have had more material comforts than others. There are reasons why we are different. Seek to appreciate those causes and conditions. Have compassion for those who were born into less fortunate circumstances.
Cultivate an open mind. This is my current focus. I can be very opinionated. I am learning to shut up and listen, ask questions and expand my viewpoint. It’s easy to think that you’re right and the other person is wrong. But there is generally more gray than black and white.
Be accepting, kind and generous toward others. We are all human beings with a desire to be happy and to be peaceful despite our different points of view. With acceptance, kindness and generosity, we can find our common ground, our common basis and can move forward together.
Paul Schoenfeld is director of The Everett Clinic’s Center for Behavioral Health. His Family Talk Blog can be found at www.everettclinic.com/family-talk-blog.
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