Woo-hoo! School’s out. Kids are singing, “No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks!”
It’s always a relief for children when summer beckons, at least for the first few weeks. Teenagers get to sleep in, and kids get to indulge on screens. It’s a welcome break for everyone.
Lots of families are getting ready for their summer vacations — to the San Juans, the Olympics, Hood Canal, British Columbia, or for guaranteed sun, east of the Cascades.
My family always went back to our yearly vacation spot on the East Coast: Wellfleet, Massachusetts, on Cape Cod. When our kids were little and we lived in Massachusetts, we rented the same vacation house every year. But even after we moved to Washington, we still journeyed back to Wellfleet. This week my 38-year-old daughter is doing the same with her two kids — back to her ancestral vacation town. She remarked to me, with great joy, how everything was still the same. It gave her pleasure to introduce her young children to her childhood vacation site.
Children love predictability. Because they are developing at such a rapid rate, unlike adults, their day-to-day lives are filled with novelty. That’s one of the reasons they love routine. Adults, on the other hand, yearn for more novelty. The routine of our lives can become monotonous. So, vacation planning can be a challenge. Kids want to go back to familiar haunts while adults want to do something new.
Teens can be snarky during summer travel. We stopped going to Cape Cod for a couple of years when our daughters were teenagers. They complained bitterly about everything and were sullen. It just didn’t seem worth it to spend a lot of money on a vacation when they were so miserable to be around. But eventually, they grew up, and as young adults, they always wanted to go back to Wellfleet with us.
Here are some tips for a happier summer break:
Do limit screen time. Sure, let kids have more screen time than they get during the school year. But children will always nickel and dime you into bankruptcy. Kids aren’t good at setting limits for themselves. That’s our job.
Some structure is good. Salt and pepper structured activities in between unstructured time. Classes, camps, and recreational department activities can keep kids from getting bored and getting into trouble.
Keep an eye on teens. Always. The lack of structure during the summer can lead to poor choices. Trust, but always verify.
Hold periodic family meetings. During the summer, family check-ins are less frequent but still important. Family meetings are a good way to evaluate how kids are using their free time. It also gives parents an opportunity to pull in the reins if necessary.
Cultivate realistic expectations for family vacations. Family vacations combine the good, the bad, and sometimes, the ugly. We all yearn for blue skies, warm (but not too warm) weather and family harmony. Our expectations can become unrealistic. One year, 2,000 head lice came along for one of our Cape Cod vacations. Another year, it rained every day for a week. And one year we spent two days in a shelter during an epic hurricane. But we always had days that were just sublime.
So, check your expectations at the door and have a great summer. As for me, my wife and I are spending a week with our daughter and our grandkids at the beach.
I can’t wait. I just hope the head lice stay home!
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at The Everett Clinic. His Family Talk blog can be found at www. everettclinic.com/ healthwellness-library.html.
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