TULALIP — The mothers of Nate Hatch and Andrew Fryberg say the silence must end. It’s time for frank discussion about Jaylen Fryberg and his crimes.
“It’s about accountability. He has not been made accountable,” Denise “Nessie” Hatch-Anderson said. Her son, Nate Hatch, 14, is the only surviving victim of the Oct. 24 shootings in a Marysville Pilchuck High School cafeteria.
“Jaylen is not a victim. What he did was premeditated, calculated murder,” said Lahneen Fryberg, Andrew’s mother.
She worries that the silence surrounding Jaylen’s actions sends the wrong message, particularly to other young people.
Jaylen, 15, shot five of his friends in the head as they sat at a table in the cafeteria where he’d invited them to lunch. Hundreds of students ran for their lives.
Killed were Zoe Galasso, Gia Soriano and Shaylee Chuckulnaskit, all 14. He also shot his cousins — who were as close to him as brothers. Andrew Fryberg, 15, was in a Seattle hospital for two weeks before he died. A bullet shattered Nate’s jaw, lodging in his chest.
Detectives have released enough information to show the attack was planned, at least days in advance. Jaylen killed himself before anyone had the chance to ask why.
On the Tulalip Indian Reservation, where the shooter and most of his victims were raised, a question is growing: How should that day be remembered?
Within the tribal community, hundreds gathered three times for funerals to remember lost children. The first ceremony was for Jaylen. He was grieved as a son, somebody who’d been raised to become a future leader. The same was true of Andrew. It is still true for Nate.
Outside the high school, a fence became a makeshift memorial covered in flowers and balloons and posters in tribute to all six who were shot. Jaylen was remembered and mourned alongside his victims. Almost nothing was said about what he did.
On the reservation, silence born from grief, and disbelief and respect for the families, now has become something else. It is perpetuating the harm Jaylen caused, say the mothers and sisters of Nate Hatch and Andrew Fryberg.
“As a family, we just try to remember the victims and their families through all of this,” said Natasha “Tasha” Fryberg, who is about a decade older than her little brother, Andrew.
Tanisha “Tawny” Fryberg, 30, is Andrew’s eldest sister. She doesn’t understand why people are not condemning Jaylen’s conduct, as has happened in other school shootings.
“Why is this different?” she asked. “Why is he seen as a victim? Because of the life he lived? Because he was their friend? Because they were family? He is not a victim, he is a murderer.”
Nessie Hatch knew Jaylen all of his life. She doesn’t know what motivated him in the cafeteria that day. She’s struggling to live with the harm he caused.
“I didn’t consider Jay a victim,” she said. “I loved him while he was here, but his actions have changed everyone’s lives. He destroyed all of our lives. He totally changed my son’s life.”
Sports have always been an important part of Nate’s identity. He’s played football and baseball and wrestled since he was small. He now faces multiple surgeries as doctors do facial reconstruction.
It is unclear whether he will be able to play sports again. That’s just one piece of Nate’s life that Jaylen took from him, his mother said.
Within a week of the shootings, the tribal board of directors released a statement, denouncing Jaylen’s “horrific” actions. Since then, little has been said.
At community meetings on the reservation, some tribal leaders have begun to say, “Silence is violence.” In other words, To say nothing condones the wrong.
Nate’s and Andrew’s families are encouraged that some leaders are starting to break the silence.
“If it’s seen as OK, we are teaching our younger generation that this is OK. We need to say it now, we need to teach them now, that what he did is wrong,” Nessie Hatch said.
Silence, they say, also makes it difficult to forgive, particularly Jaylen’s family. They’ve yet to offer any sort of public apology for what he did.
Andrew’s sister, Tawny Fryberg, was close with Jaylen’s family. Jaylen’s father and aunts were like her brother and sisters. Because of that love, her heart wanted to extend forgiveness. Whatever their reasons, their silence makes that impossible.
“The way they are handling it, they are the ones building a wall,” she said. “And to stand with my family, I can’t forgive that.”
Andrew, Nate and Jaylen are part of a larger family. Jaylen Fryberg is the namesake of his father and grandfather. Andrew Martin Leroy Fryberg is the namesake of three of his grandfathers.
Nate’s great grandmother, Molly Hatch, was born a Fryberg.
“My grandmother always said never to drag our name through the mud. Never to do anything to bring shame and disgrace to our Fryberg name,” Nessie Hatch said.
That is what Jaylen has done, and everyone who carries the Fryberg name has been forced to bear that shame, she said.
The Fryberg family is one of the largest on the reservation.
Off the reservation, Andrew’s family has encountered people who mistakenly presume that anyone named Fryberg somehow bears responsibility for what Jaylen did. They apparently don’t realize that Frybergs number among his victims.
Nate and Andrew grew up next door to each other. As he heals, Nate continues to split his time between both homes. He’s grieving the loss of his friends and struggling to forgive the unfathomable.
From his hospital bed, two days after being shot, Nate posted to Twitter that he had forgiven Jaylen.
Weeks later, it is not that simple, his mother said.
“My son did forgive Jaylen, in the beginning,” Nessie Hatch said. “But after he lost his friends, one after another, that forgiveness has gone from him, turned to anger.”
That doesn’t mean the families hold any ill will toward Jaylen’s family.
“I don’t want to live in hate. I can’t live in hate. I won’t hate them, but I will never forget, and I will not forgive them,” Tawny Fryberg said.
The families of both boys are grateful for the compassion of friends and strangers. People from all around the state, people who don’t even know the families, sent cards and letters and food.
“We cannot thank everyone enough for the outpouring of love and support,” Nessie said.
Lahneen Fryberg is thankful to have had Andrew for 15 years. That wasn’t long enough. He was her eldest son. His father, Leroy Fryberg Jr., died in December 2013.
“I thank God that (Lee) was there to take him,” she said.
Andrew Gobin: 425-339-3000, ext. 5461; agobin@heraldnet.com. He is a member of the Tulalip Tribes and grew up on the reservation.
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