WASHINGTON – Betty Friedan, whose manifesto “The Feminine Mystique” became a bestseller in the 1960s and laid the groundwork for the feminist movement, died Saturday, her birthday. She was 85.
Friedan died at her home of congestive heart failure, according to a cousin, Emily Bazelon.
Friedan’s assertion in her 1963 bestseller that having a husband and babies was not everything and that women should aspire to separate identities as individuals was highly unusual just after the baby and suburban booms of the Eisenhower era.
The feminine mystique, she said, was a phony bill of goods society sold to women that left them unfulfilled, suffering from “the problem that has no name” and seeking a solution in tranquilizers and psychoanalysis.
“A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty, ‘Who am I, and what do I want out of life?’ She mustn’t feel selfish and neurotic if she wants goals of her own, outside of husband and children,” Friedan said.
In the racial, political and sexual conflicts of the 1960s and ’70s, Friedan’s was one of the most commanding voices in the women’s movement.
As a founder and first president of the National Organization for Women in 1966, she staked out positions that seemed extreme at the time on abortion, sex-neutral help-wanted ads, equal pay, promotion opportunities and maternity leave.
But at the same time, Friedan insisted that the family should not be rejected, that the women’s movement had to remain in the American mainstream and that men had to be accepted as allies.
“Don’t get into the bra-burning, anti-man, politics-of-orgasm school,” Friedan told a college audience in 1970.
To more radical and lesbian feminists, Friedan was “hopelessly bourgeois,” Susan Brownmiller wrote at the time.
Friedan deeply opposed “equating feminism with lesbianism,” and conceded later that she had felt very uncomfortable about homosexuality.
“I wrote a whole book objecting to the definition of women only in sexual relation to men. I would not exchange that for a definition of women only in sexual relation to women,” she said.
Nonetheless, she seconded a resolution protecting lesbian rights at the National Women’s Conference in Houston in 1977.
“For a great many women, choosing motherhood makes motherhood itself a liberating choice,” she said two decades later.
But she added that this should not be a reason for conflict with “other feminists who are maybe more austere or choose to seek their partners among other women.”
By then in her 70s, Friedan had moved on to the issue of how society views and treats its elderly.
She said that while researching her last book, “The Fountain of Age,” published in 1993, she found those who dealt with old people “talk about the aged with the same patronizing, ‘compassionate’ denial of their personhood that was heard when the experts talked about women 20 years ago.”
She had not stopped being a feminist, she said, “but women as a special separate interest group are not my concern anymore.”
Friedan, born Feb. 4, 1921, in Peoria, Ill., as a youth was a high-achieving Jewish outsider up in middle America. Her father, Harry Goldstein, owned a jewelry store; her mother, Miriam, quit a job as a newspaper women’s page editor to become a housewife.
As a girl, Friedan watched her mother “cut down my father because she had no place to channel her terrific energies, a typical female disorder that I call impotent rage,” she said.
From high school valedictorian in 1938 to summa cum laude graduate of Smith College in 1942, “I was that girl with all A’s, and I wanted boys worse than anything,” she said.
She won a fellowship in psychology to the University of California, Berkeley, but turned down a bigger fellowship there so as not to outdo a boyfriend.
The romance broke up anyway, and Friedan moved to Greenwich Village in New York and became a labor reporter.
She lost one job to a returning World War II veteran but found another before marrying Carl Friedan, a summer theater producer and later an advertising executive, in 1947. The marriage, which produced three children, ended in divorce 22 years later.
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