It’s like fighting two wars. As Margarethe “Grethe” Cammermeyer sees it, that’s life under the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
Imagine living that way. For gay and lesbian members of the U.S. armed forces, it’s official policy to be barred from mentioning a partner while serving. That goes even if one’s beloved is ill or injured — even if a partner dies.
“That’s the stigma, and the effect it has on the individual,” said Cammermeyer, 67, who lives with her partner, artist Diane Divelbess, near Langley on Whidbey Island. “It’s having to essentially fight two wars, a war on personal integrity — to live a lie — and fighting for freedom for America.”
When she retired with full military benefits in 1997, Cammermeyer was an Army Reserve colonel and chief nurse with the Washington National Guard. Before President Bill Clinton implemented “don’t ask, don’t tell” in 1993, Cammermeyer was also arguably the best-known casualty of the military’s all-out ban on homosexuals.
In 1994, she told her story in the book “Serving in Silence.” And in 1995, Cammermeyer was the subject of a TV movie starring Glenn Close.
She was honorably discharged from the military in 1992 after revealing, during an interview for a top-level security clearance, that she was a lesbian. She was reinstated after a legal fight that resulted in a 1994 federal court ruling that the military ban was unconstitutional.
After years of disappointment for the policy’s critics, “don’t ask, don’t tell” is on the front burner again. President Barack Obama echoed a campaign promise in last week’s State of the Union address when he said he’d work to end it. At a Senate hearing Tuesday, Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs Chairman Adm. Mike Mullen said the policy should be repealed.
A repeal makes solid sense, Cammermeyer said Thursday. It’s significant to military readiness, she said.
“When you fire 300 linguists, and then can’t interpret what is being found, something is wrong with the system. Thousands of dollars in training money is lost every time somebody is discharged from the military,” Cammermeyer said. “People in the trenches don’t care. They want their buddy to be able to cover them, and do the job.”
Cammermeyer said she saw the absurdity of “don’t ask, don’t tell” when she was reinstated years after her discharge. “The day I went back, the headline in the military paper at Fort Lewis was ‘Lesbian colonel returns to military.’ It’s not like nobody knows,” she said.
Cammermeyer agrees with what retired Army Gen. Colin Powell said in a statement Wednesday. “Attitudes and circumstances have changed,” said Powell, according to a Washington Post article about the former Secretary of State’s reversal on “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
She sees the changes in her own family.
After being married in 1994 by a judge in Portland, Ore., Cammermeyer and Divelbess had their union blessed by a priest from St. Augustine’s In-the-Woods Episcopal Church on Whidbey Island. “All the family was here, including my grandkids,” said Cammermeyer, who was long ago divorced from her husband.
She doesn’t believe the military has caught up with the rest of society. Cammermeyer said she was told by an Australian service member about an American in Iraq who sought help from an Australian chaplain after his partner was killed.
She’s optimistic, finally, that change will come.
“If this law is overturned, it will feel like a bit of a vindication,” Cammermeyer said. “On a very gut level, it’s extremely important to me.”
Julie Muhlstein: 425-339-3460, muhlstein@heraldnet.com.
More on issue
For more information about retired National Guard Col. Grethe Cammermeyer, or to share a story about the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, go to www.cammermeyer.com.
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