Beware of knock-offs; accept no imitations

Urine trouble: A St. Louis-area man is facing criminal charges that he used a prosthetic penis and someone else’s urine in a failed attempt to pass a drug test as part of his probation. A probation officer spotted the man using the prosthetic, which is sold online as the Whizzinator.

The 34-year-old man was arrested and released on $25,000 bond pending trial. But since it passed the urine test, the Whizzinator was told it was free to go.

Some cheese with your whine? A Florida billionaire is suing a one-time fellow billionaire for $320,000, claiming he was sold several bottles of wine that weren’t authentic bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild wine from the 19th century. Unscrupulous wine dealers have been known to put vintage labels on cheaper bottles.

His first clue that something wasn’t right should have been the Rothschild label carelessly slapped onto the box of Franzia White Zin.

See my vest: A baby gorilla being raised by human surrogates wearing gorilla vests at a Cincinnati zoo is doing well and is learning to roll over, sit up and may soon start walking on all fours. The gorilla vests are used to acclimate the infant to other gorillas.

But the vests also have proved popular with younger hipster zookeepers who wear the vests to nightclubs and gather in circles to groom themselves.

Off to the races: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are calling for Queen Elizabeth II to end her support for pigeon racing. PETA claims that tens of thousands of the birds disappear and die during pigeon races across the English Channel.

Buckingham Palace declined comment but later announced that it was canceling the after-race squab fry.

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Opinion

toon
Editorial cartoons for Friday, April 4

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

King County Executive Dow Constantine and Senator Maria Cantwell walk through the Lynnwood Center Station to board the 12:30 pm train during the Lynnwood 1 Line extension opening celebrations on Friday, Aug. 30, 2024 in Lynnwood, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Editorial: Transit board, new CEO have much to deliver

Sound Transit’s board hired one of its own as chief. The stakes for success are high for all involved.

The Buzz: Trump frees U.S. from economic tyranny of penguins

Oh, and he’s certain there are ways for him to run for a third term. And Elon who? Never heard the name.

Schwab: After the lawyers, the judges, the free-thinkers …

The Trump administration’s hollowing-out of democracy is going after our ability to speak and decide.

Due process must be observed for ICE arrests, deportations

The 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution says that no state shall… Continue reading

Canada statehood would shake up U.S. politics

While the idea of Canada becoming the 51st state may be a… Continue reading

We’re still waiting on the ‘Great Again’ part of MAGA

We keep hearing, “Make America Great Again,” but is that happening? I… Continue reading

Everett mayor Cassie Franklin delivers her State of the City address on Friday, March 28 in Everett, Washington. (Will Geschke / The Herald)
Editorial: The state of Everett amid the state of play

In her state of the city speech, Mayor Cassie Franklin makes the case for optimism amid dark clouds.

Genna Martin / The Herald
Piles of wires, motherboards and other electronic parts fill boxes at E-Waste Recycling Center, Thursday. 
Photo taken 1204014
Editorial: Right to repair win for consumers, shops, climate

Legislation now in the Senate would make it easier and cheaper to fix smartphones and other devices.

The WA Cares law is designed to give individuals access to a lifetime benefit amount that, should they need it, they can use on a wide range of long-term services and supports. (Washington State Department of Social and Health Services)
Editorial: Changes to WA Cares will honor voters’ confidence

State lawmakers are considering changes to improve the benefit’s access and long-term stability.

Stephens: Gaza won’t be free until it is free of Hamas

Palestinians in Gaza now are protesting Hamas’ leadership. And being met with familiar brutality.

toon
Editorial cartoons for Thursday, April 3

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.