The battery in my laptop was dying, and so I turned on CNN for a quick news update. Internet sites give the news in two minutes. But to my shock, CNN gave it not at all. I thought CNN would deliver a world roundup. Instead, it had three dolls chatting about personalities in the news. It was hair-salon talk, except not as honest.
The ladies, all attractive in the standardized way, cranked out sympathy for all human subjects. There was the obligatory mention of Cindy Sheehan. She is the grieving Army mother who sits outside the president’s ranch in Crawford, Texas, and protests the Iraq war.
Sheehan is unaware that her 15 minutes of fame are up. She scored an extra minute or two for recently remarking that “my son joined the Army to protect America, not Israel.” That got the notice of pro- and anti-Israel camps, but hastened her ongoing transformation from sad figure to attention-seeking nut. It was over for Cindy, but then her husband filed for a divorce.
The girls zeroed in on the divorce. In a kind of news summary, the seriously blond Kelly Wallace read, “A military mother whose son was killed in Iraq appears to be staying strong, despite some more trouble at home.” She looks up, and adds, “So some tough news for her.” Sighs all around.
Soledad O’Brien raises the possibility that the husband’s political opinions might differ from Cindy’s, not that any of these newshounds have bothered to ask him. And there’s no speculation, much less reporting, on what Casey Sheehan, the son who died, might have thought. At this point, someone at the hair salon would have put down the straightening wand and opined that Casey was, after all, a grownup who had volunteered for duty.
Speaking of Israel, O’Brien then did an interview with a female settler who had yet to evacuate her home in Gaza. The settler, Debbie Rozen, looked mad as a hatter and ranted about Sharon, miracles and all the terrible things happening to her.
In the bigger picture, the settlements have been a source of oppression for Palestinians and a thorn in the side of Israelis, who have had to subsidize and defend them. People on both sides are saying good riddance to the settlers in Gaza.
But this is all about the little picture, so the discussion digs deep into Rozen’s pain. O’Brien clearly feels nothing for this deluded woman, and she is not a good enough actress to deliver a convincing show of sympathy. But she is under orders. “The solders hug them (the settlers),” she tells her colleagues, dark eyes widening, “and they cry together. It’s obviously a tough time for folks there.” “Ah’s” all around.
At which point, doll number three, Carol Costello, pipes in: “OK. Let’s move on to Iraq … “
By that, she means an interview with a mother and daughter who have both been deployed for combat training at Fort Bliss, in Texas. The two women are members of the Oregon National Guard. Costello asks what it will be like going to war with Mom. “We’re going to bond on this whole experience,” says daughter Karissa Smith.
Costello gushes in: “Oh! I think you will bond.” Giggles all around.
And so it goes. A perfectly good half-hour gone forever.
Later in the day, CNN will offer commentators with facial lines, silver temples and expertise, as long as they’re not women. And in the evening, it will bring on Aaron Brown, a bundle of male sensitivity, though still somewhat weightier than the morning lineup.
He-e-e-lp! Where’s the recharger for my laptop? I don’t see why anyone is watching this. If you want news, you go to newspapers and the Internet. If you want lifestyle, you go to NBC’s “Today” or ABC’s “Good Morning America.” If you want to look at comely chicks, you have all those TV dramas. If you want clever female remarks on current events, you go to the hair salon.
CNN just marked its 25th birthday. How it turned a once interesting all-news format into an unwitting parody of the worst in television news, I can’t say. All I know is I’m getting a second battery for the laptop.
Froma Harrop is a Providence Journal columnist. Contact her by writing to fharrop@projo.com.
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