It’s vacation time, so let’s hop aboard the headline express:
•”Long-beaked tropical dolphins spotted in Puget Sound”: Biologists don’t know why the dolphins, which typically live in Southern California and Mexico, primarily in Baja California, traveled so far from home.
Maybe they want to discover what so many Californians have discovered before them. Maybe they just want to go whale-watching. Or maybe, just maybe, they are trying to visit family and friends who were taken from warmer waters and drafted to work undersea patrols at Naval Base Kitsap in Bremerton.
•”NCAA president Mark Emmert responds to Justice Department“: The feds want to know why there isn’t a playoff at the highest level of college football. Just when did “national college football champion” appear on the FBI’s “most wanted” list?
“Hero pilot Sullenberger ready for CBS News job“: Not to worry, this does not mean former CBS News anchor Katie Couric is becoming a pilot.
“Spokane fourth in nation in auto theft rate”: But is it still Near Nature, Near Perfect? Auto thefts don’t make good promotional material. Still, it’s better than the slogan for Pawnee, Ind., the city featured in the TV show “Parks and Recreation”: “First in Friendship, Fourth in Obesity.”
“Journalist Jose Antonio Vargas comes out as an illegal immigrant“: Whew. At least he didn’t come out as a plagiarist.
“Card Case offers a new way to pay“: What if you could buy goods from a retailer by just saying your name, the article asks. Well, we’d wonder how people who can mimic voices could manipulate the system. Other than that, great idea.
“Soccer sets Portland abuzz (a chainsaw helps)”: “Portland has embraced its new MLS team like no other American city,” the New York Times reports. Oh, really? The East Coast reporter must think Seattle is in Canada. The rivalry between the Timbers and Sounders is never mentioned. The Justice Department might just have to investigate.
“Amazon spends $630,000 on lobbying government in first quarter“: Wow. They must really, really not want to collect that online sales tax.
“At new NYC hotel, a robot handles the luggage“: And she doesn’t mind if you say she looks like “Rosie” from the Jetsons, or hand her a Canadian coin as a tip.
“Potato chips worst culprit for weight gain“: Followed by the beer or soda or whatever is used to wash those chips down.
“Even ancient men seemed to like their man caves“: Of course. Where else would they watch the Caveman Me-Strong Bowl Championship game?
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