By Kathy Solberg / Herald Forum
People aren’t born mean; their behavior is shaped by factors like generational trauma, absent parents, illness, addiction, poverty and lack of community support. These elements can create defensiveness and contribute to what we label as “mean” behavior.
I have witnessed bullying up close: high school peers blowing up mailboxes, mean pranks and destructive actions that scar and create trauma. Those affected must muster the courage to remain kind and compassionate, learning to hold true to the second of the Four Agreements, “Do not take it personal” and recognize their inherent self-worth despite experiences that did not nurture that.
Power and love require justice to drive transformation; whether personal, workplace, community, or governmental. Justice listens, sees, and ensures power remains in check while facilitating change, as Adam Kahane discusses in “Facilitating Breakthrough.” This connects to my TED talk findings about communities: The fundamental need to belong and be seen drives the formation of both book clubs and gangs. When the need for recognition evolves beyond feeling lost or undervalued into mental illness, it can manifest in unhealthy extremes of both humility and narcissism.
Recently, I interviewed 23 nominees for the Emerging Leader Snohomish County award, selected from 96 nominations put forward from various sectors in our region. Most were so surprised to learn someone noticed their contribution, highlighting how many quietly are working to make a difference in their community.
So how can we show up in our own way to be the justice that is needed now? To unite power and love to create the future we want to see.
How do we become the justice needed to unite power and love for a better future? The actions that align with your strengths and influence are often simply the right things to do; you feel it instinctively. Recognition is welcome, but right action remains right regardless of outcome.
We often think catastrophes happen only to others until we are affected directly. Other countries, other families, other people.
As a systems facilitator, I have wondered why we wait for disasters to happen before we take action. I naively thought that covid would have taught us these lessons. Instead, I have observed increased anxiety, fear and detachment. Where does the sweet spot lie between hope and force? Between resignation and immersion?
We must embrace power as influence allowing it to engage with compassion while using justice as our guide. Justice can be the compass and the connector. If the slate of our historical data is erased and held within so many different minds with individual lenses of lived experience tainting the accuracy of the data, what is to govern and guide our decisions, research and accountability?
Change happens through collective action by those willing to disrupt the status quo. We need to come together and realize that we want change. Those who name that and move forward tend to create change.
Change is happening all around us by those willing to disrupt and take action. And the most important word in that sentence was not “change,” but “together.”
We all want the best for our children, grandchildren and for the generations to come. What are you willing to do to foster the world you want to be a part of? What does support look like? These questions take reflection, time to define and courage to ask and act. I welcome hearing your stories.
Kathy Solberg leads a consulting business, CommonUnity. Learn more at www.commonunity-us.com.
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