By Dan Hazen / Herald Forum
It was below freezing outside, so of course the uninsulated, unheated prayer hut was too. As the fire began to warm the small space, I noticed my visible breath joining with the rising smoke from the incense burner. They blended and merged, indistinguishable.
Many faiths, including branches of my own, utilize incense in prayer. For some, it’s an offering. For others, a metaphor for prayers rising to the heavens. I was captured by the idea of my breath mingling with these “rising prayers.”
Ice crystals formed intricate patterns on the window, one of which was shaped like a tiny Douglas fir. When I adjusted my line of sight through the window and squinted slightly, it merged perfectly with the real trees in the distance. A tiny, frigid addition to the horizon.
Seeing the link between my breath and The Holy was easy. Superimposing the beauty of an ice crystal right in front of me on to the beauty of a forest far beyond was easy. These upward links are natural and joyful. But harder to see, easier to avoid, yet just as natural are the thoughts that pull downward. Our selfish thoughts (tiny, like an ice crystal), and our bigotries (wispy as smoke) don’t connect in our minds with “big” things like the cringe-worthy selfishness of rich celebrities and the glaring meanness of politicians. It doesn’t occur to us that these are the same, that they interlock and blend; that “we” are “them.”
I hear a lot of talk about worthiness and self-esteem. We are putting a lot of effort into eliminating shame from the human experience. The phrase “I am enough” has gained a lot of traction in recent times. But I don’t hear a lot of apologies or confessions, and yet someone must be responsible for what we all agree is a very troubled planet.
How can this be?
The image comes to mind of a second-grade classroom filled with stunned students and a stern, hands-on-hips teacher standing before them. “Someone is responsible for the broken window!” she says. “Now, who did this?”
Silence.
Some days I feel physically overwhelmed by the breadth and depth of brokenness in our world. From the human suffering in my neighborhood, to the human suffering in the Middle East, I sort of fall into a stunned silence before the question, “Who did this?” In part, because I truly don’t know. The corporations? The government? The Jews? The liberals? Trump?
But also in part because I do know. It’s me. I broke the window.
Like you, my friends, I am innerved in systems. Physical: Every day that I eat, something else must die. Economic: To survive, I must engage in at least some exploitive commerce. Political: Even maintaining independence has an impact on my neighbors. Religious, social, you name it, I’m part of the problem. I may not have actually thrown the rock that did it, but it might just as well have been me.
Confessing this produces a burning humility in me. Not shame. Not guilt or anything toxic. It stings, but it’s kind of a welcome sting, because it’s true, and from truth springs peace. Blessed are the are poor in spirit after all.
Dan Hazen is the community pastor at Allen Creek Community Church in Marysville.
Herald Forum
The Herald Forum invites community members to submit essays on topics of importance and interest to them. Essays typically are between 400 and 600 words in length, although exceptions for longer pieces can be made. To submit essays or for more information about the Herald Forum, write Herald Opinion editor Jon Bauer at jbauer@heraldnet.com or call him at 425-339-3466.
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