Mars attacks: Scientists have detected a large plume of methane gas belching from below the surface of Mars, providing potential evidence of life.

NASA trained its telescopes on the red planet to catch the release of gas after scientists stumbled on a radio transmission of Mars daring Venus to “Pull my finger.”

Um, never mind: A dog owner is challenging a ticket he got because he failed to carry something to scoop up after his dog while at a Seattle park. The man said he didn’t need a scooper, and could just use his bare hands.

We’ll understand if the court clerk declines to accept any fine he hands in.

There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza: Bank of America says it may need billions in aid, leading to speculation that $700 billion won’t be enough to bail out U.S. financial institutions. (Page A6).

Did we miss the memo about the switch in the meaning of the phrase “bank robbery?”

Coochie, coochie! Soft pop heartthrob John “Your Body is a Wonderland” Mayer is negotiating with CBS for a music and variety TV show.

Already lining up to be his very special guests are Alex Karras, Shields and Yarnell, Donny Osmond and Charo.

—Jon Bauer, Herald Staff